Secrets and Whispers
by falafel-fiction
Summary: A series of Baltar/Gaeta missing scenes fics exploring their complex relationship through all four seasons of BSG. These stories may be read together as a nine-part saga or as stand-alone oneshots.
1. Devotion to Good

**Intro: **Secrets & Whispers Verse. The first in a series of Baltar/Gaeta missing scenes fics. These stories may be read together or as stand-alone oneshots.

**Chapters: **1. Devotion to Good, 2. Return from Kobol, 3. After the Election, 4. The First Intern, 5. Day Zero, 6. A Walk at Midnight, 7. Awaiting the Verdict, 8. Voices in the Mind, (more to follow beyond S4 part one...)

**Synopsis:** Gaius Baltar starts to reassess his relationship with Lieutenant Gaeta after his young assistant clears him from an allegation of treason. Set immediately after the episode _'Six Degrees of Seperation'_.

**Characters:** Baltar and Gaeta, with appearences from Six, Boomer, Racetrack and Crashdown.

**Rating:** PG-13 (mild slash themes, but no sex...yet)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own BSG and Romo Lampkin will be my lawyer if anyone tries to sue me!

**Author's Note:** Thanks to **llsmutant** who betaed this for me.

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**1. Devotion to Good**

It had only been a few hours since Gaius Baltar had spoken to God for the first time. Since he had fallen to his knees, praying and whimpering to be delivered from evil, so that he might devote the rest of his wretched life to _doing good_. Oh yes, Gaius hadn't forgotten his sacred vow just yet. He still fully intended to see it through, even though the Six in his head was already teasing him; insisting that his latest whim would be forgotten before the evening was spent.

But as Gaius stepped from the shuttle craft he felt strangely determined. _Yes_; from now on he would pledge his every waking moment to doing good turns for others and repenting for his unspeakable failures...

"_Or at least that's what you'll do until the novelty of your salvation wears off and you find something else to amuse you..."_ cooed Six, her voice a silky whisper.

"Hush now," he coughed, trying to block her voice out his mind.

Gaius had just returned from the Colonial One following his exoneration ceremony. He turned a corner, heading swiftly for the pilot's mess where he hoped to enjoy a game of triad and a few tumblers of ambrosia before retiring to his quarters. He passed by the entrance of the CIC; consciously slowing his pace. Sure enough Gaius heard the rhythm of sharp orderly footsteps following briskly behind him. He came to halt, folding his arms.

"Doctor?" said the polished little voice.

Gaius turned to face his assistant, gracing him with a smile.

"Lieutenant Gaeta…" he returned smoothly.

Gaeta's eyes were brimming with expectation. The young officer always seemed to glow in Gaius's presence. "I was just wondering what time I should swing by your lab to complete the dictation for your cylon detector report. The Commander says that he wants it finished by the end of the week."

Gaius pursed his lips, tipping his head to one side. He was considering that if his new vocation was _doing good things for others_, he really should start with Gaeta.

"Are you off-duty, Lieutenant?" he asked coyly.

Gaeta's eyes flicked to his watch. He tapped it with his finger.

"_Um_, well, I have to return to the bridge for the early morning watch, but…I suppose I have a few hours to spare before rack time."

"Excellent!" Gaius trumpeted. "Those lovely people on Colonial One have treated me to a bottle of ambrosia…compensation for my ghastly ordeal. I thought I might crack it open in the mess over a hand of triads. Would you care to join me, Lieutenant? It seems only fitting since you were my preserver."

Before Gaeta could dismiss the invitation or check his watch again, Gaius took him by the arm and marched him towards the mess hall. There they found Boomer, Racetrack and Crashdown huddling around a smoky table; counting their chips, squinting over their cards. Boomer glanced over her shoulder.

"Hey!" she smiled. "Look who's out of the brig…"

Gaius revelled for a moment in the claps, whoops and shoulder pats that he received as he joined their table. Earlier that day these same pilots had been scowling at him in the corridors; suspicion and distain flaring in their eyes. But Gaius saw no need to hold any grudges now God was smiling on him. He put down his cubits, uncorked his ambrosia and treated each of the little freeloaders to a shot.

"Now, now…" Gaius hushed them, taking off his jacket, "Save your applause for Mr Gaeta here. He was the one who believed in me and cleared my name when the rest of you brutes would've seen me flung from the nearest airlock."

"Yeah." Crashdown snorted a laugh. "Sorry about that, Doc."

"To Gaeta, then…" said Boomer, raising her glass.

They clanked their cups together above the tabletop, toasting his name. If it had been him, Gaius would have taken the opportunity to make a speech, but Gaeta just nodded bashfully and gestured for them to continue with their game. He wasn't playing a hand himself. He rarely did. Most of the time he would just take out his pocket notebook and dutifully scribble down their scores. It seemed that Gaeta enjoyed the statistics of triad far more so than its bluffs and gambles. _What a quaint peculiar fellow_, Gaius thought, shaking his head.

Gaius had to admit that before now he had found Gaeta to be an exasperating presence. Ever since he had boarded the Galactica the young officer had been a pesky shadow following him through the halls, babbling endlessly about biogenetics and cheerfully reciting their orders for the day. In the lab Gaeta was full of eagerness for a project Gaius was finding sinfully boring. He never thought he would take a liking to the lad. Now he was seeing him in a whole new light. It's remarkable how you can warm up to someone after they save your life.

Gaius was surreptitiously topping up Gaeta's tumbler every time he moved his hand away from the brim. The alcohol was slowly loosing him up. Gaeta's facial muscles, which were so tight and expressionless when he was at work, became elastic and adorable after a few drinks. He began to smile easier; his eyelids grew droopy. Gaius decided he was really rather sweet. He gasped elaborately as Gaeta unfastened the collar and cuffs of his uniform.

"I hope we aren't corrupting you, Lieutenant?" Gaius teased.

Gaius offered him a cigarette, which Gaeta fumblingly accepted and sparked up with his military issue lighter. He coughed a little after his first inhale.

"Not at all, Doctor," Gaeta insisted. "I guess I needed a night off after all this worry over the Godfrey woman and the photograph. The report can wait till tomorrow."

Crashdown broke wind at their table, inspiring Racetrack to punch him in the arm and Boomer to howl uproariously. Gaius rolled his eyes and ignored the pilot's vulgar antics, leaning in closer to speak with Gaeta.

"You need more than one night off, Lieutenant," he said, waving a finger like a chiding parent. "Honestly. They work you too hard in the CIC. You're in the prime of your youth and you must try to enjoy yourself, even on this desperate mission of ours. If you don't, I swear I will be fearing for your sanity. So while you're working as my assistant you are under strict orders to have _fun_ every once in a while, is that clear?"

Gaeta gave him a shy appreciative nod. Gaius felt his throat tightening. He was only just realising how much Gaeta reminded him of Adrian. Adrian Bauer, his old lab assistant on Caprica; one of the few people who Gaius could claim he had ever been a good friend to. Adrian was a bright lad with the misfortune of being born on the poor colony of Gemenon. Gaius had been moved by his letters and helped him to acquire his visa, sensing a kindred spirit in the young man. They had worked together for three years before the attacks. As with Gaeta, it had always been a struggle to get Adrian out of the lab and along to social gatherings. The first time Gaius had set Adrian up with a girl the sentimental fool had married her within two months. Yet in a strange way Gaius had envied him. One time he had sulked to Adrian that he would never have a family of his own. In the enduring spirit of friendship Adrian had asked him to be Godfather to their first child. His family were the sweetest people Gaius had ever known; he never would have done anything to harm them.

Gaius still visited Adrian's photograph in the halls of remembrance. It was the only one of those pictures that Gaius didn't feel was glaring at him and blaming him for what had happened. He was surprised how much he missed the man; his helpfulness, his wholesomeness; even his tedious efficiency. And yes, sometimes Gaius liked to believe he really was the _great man_ who dear Adrian had admired so thoroughly.

Gaius sighed to himself, before fanning his cards on the tabletop.

"_Prince high red_," he announced. "Yes, I'm terribly sorry. I just can't help myself..."

The pilots muttered curses under their breath, throwing down their own hands, while Gaeta shook his head, marvelling. Gaius quickly collected up his jacket, his bottle and his cubits, deciding not to push his luck any further...well, with the cards at least.

"Thank you all for a profitable evening, as always," Gaius smirked, pocketing his coins. "Now if you'll excuse us, Mr Gaeta and I have some important_ top secret _cylon detector business to discuss. Shall we, Lieutenant?"

Gaeta cast a haughty glance at the table as if he was expecting the pilots to be jealous of his confidences with the famed Doctor Gaius Baltar. Crashdown snorted and Boomer yawned while Racetrack was already shuffling the deck of cards. Gaius had been toying with the idea of getting Gaeta laid tonight, but he wasn't sure that either of the girls would care for him. Besides, it had hardly escaped his notice that Gaeta only had eyes for one person at their table. Gaius had suspected for a while now that his young assistant's interest in him went beyond friendship and scientific aspirations. It went without saying that Gaius did not return his affections in the same way, but _still_…he didn't mind courting them, if only for tonight.

"Technically speaking, they're not robots," Gaius rambled as he and Gaeta walked the halls together. "If they were, then we could find our cylons with the simple use of a metal detector. No, from what I can glean their race is almost entirely organic. Their brains are their control centres, their veins are their circuitry and their hearts pump blood the same as our own. I ask you, Mr Gaeta; aren't we all organic machines? Well now, we insist the cylons are different; they are soulless programmed killers...as if our own military aren't conditioned in their minds and bodies to perform much the same tasks…"

Gaius was certain there was an intelligent lecture somewhere in this rant. It was slurred by the alcohol he had consumed, but Gaeta was still hanging off his every word. He decided that he better lighten the tone.

"Your friend, Dualla…_she_ could be a cylon agent."

Gaeta frowned, his brow creasing, not realising that he was being mocked. "Doctor, I…I've worked with Dee for over two years. I can't see that…"

"It's her eyes," Gaius explained with a sly wink. "They're too green. She doesn't blink often enough." He smiled, cattishly.

Gaeta exhaled, shaking his head. It seemed that he was slowly falling in with Gaius's sense of humour or simply allowing for his eccentricities. He came to a sudden halt in the corridor, gesturing to a large metal door.

"These are my quarters, Doctor..." he said.

"Ah…_right_…" Gaius returned, nodding. "I don't suppose you would be interested in…in coming back to my room for a night cap?"

Gaius waved the unfinished bottle of ambrosia at him, temptingly. He really had no idea what he was planning to do with Gaeta once he got him back to his quarters. He would do _good things_, he expected. He was a novice to this redemption business, but his instincts and desires were steering him in this direction. Gaeta blinked in surprise and then winced, looking down at his watch again.

"I...I really must be hitting my rack, Doctor," he insisted. "I've an early watch tomorrow, there's the next jump to calculate, I need to…"

"Yes, I understand...duty calls!" said Gaius, still nodding. "_Well, _I'll just pop in for a drink in your room instead then. That's no trouble is it, Lieutenant?"

Gaius didn't wait for a response, but turned the wheel and pushed open the door. He deflated a little as he found himself in a cramped dormitory room which had some dozen bunks imbedded in the metal walls and nothing for privacy but a set of thin black curtains. He had forgotten that the junior officers had no private berths. Two young crewmen were already sleeping in their racks, so Gaeta indicated for him to lower his voice. Gaius politely turned his back while Gaeta slipped out of his uniform.

His eyes scanned the bunk space beside Gaeta's locker. The bed sheets were immaculately clean and smoothed. The surrounding walls were bare of posters. The shelves just above the pillows were neatly stacked with books; tech manuals, navigation charts and study guides in Biogenetics; many of which contained Gaius's own essays. Aside from his reading materials, there was a single framed photograph of a middle-aged couple._ His parents_, Gaius decided. There were no other personal affects. A copperplate tag under the bunk told Gaius the Lieutenant's first name was Felix.

"Is there anything else, Doctor…?"

He turned to see Gaeta stripped to his vest and shorts, looking ready to turn in for the night. Out of his uniform his body was smooth and trim. The room's shadows fell into the soft angles of his face. He was handsome in a curious way. Gaius took a breath and glanced over to his left. Six was reclining on one of the empty racks, smiling lasciviously and stroking a finger over her red skirts. Evidently she was intrigued to see how far he went with this.

"_Go ahead, Gaius…"_ she purred, fluttering her eyes. _"I'd love to watch…"_

Gaius shook his head, ignoring her and forcing a smile.

"I really am…very grateful to you for rerunning those security checks," he repeated in an earnest whisper. "I owe my life and my reputation to you, Mr Gaeta. If there is anything I could do for you in return…"

Gaius's inclined his eyes to the bunk. Gaeta followed his stare, his face pinched with confusion. Six was giggling at them from across the room.

"_Oh_, you noticed my books…" said Gaeta, misreading the glance. He lowered his head, flushing with embarrassment. "Well, I guess if we were back on Caprica I might have asked you to autograph them for me..." He shuffled, awkwardly. "I suppose that, _well_…it's fairly obvious that I…I've always admired your work, Doctor Baltar. It's enough of an honour to be working alongside you. Back in college, I never would've dreamed of having this opportunity. It…it's the one good thing that's happened for me."

Gaeta raised his head, looking for a response, maybe fearing that he had said too much. Gaius swallowed. It seemed that the Lieutenant's feelings for him were mostly hero-worship mixed with a hint of an innocent boyish crush. His vanity had led him onto other assumptions and, _well_, there had been nobody else for him to seduce while Captain Thrace was still confined to sickbay. Gaius quickly tried to amend his intentions.

"Come now..." he soothed. "This idolatry has to cease, Mr Gaeta. We're colleagues as far as I'm concerned. What's more, you're my friend. In fact, I think today has established you're the only true friend I have in this fleet..."

His words had started out as flattery and reassurances, but Gaius felt a wincing in his heart as he realised the truth of this last statement. Gaeta was indeed the only friend that he had now; the only one who existed outside his visions and delusions. He realised that he had wanted to secure Gaeta's friendship and his loyalty. Even whilst trying to fulfil his holy vow he was slipping into his old selfish ways. But he still wanted to do something good for Gaeta. Maybe he had already done it. Gaeta's eyes were full of stars for him. Adrian lived again in those eyes.

"I'll say goodnight then, Lieutenant…" Gaius concluded with a nod, patting his arm and turning towards the door. "See you again tomorrow, I expect…"

_TBC_...


	2. Return from Kobol

**Synopsis:** Gaius Baltar returns from the planet of Kobol, suffering with shell-shock. Felix Gaeta rushes to his quarters to check that he is okay and spill out his own worries and frustrations.

**Characters:** Baltar and Gaeta, with appearences from Six.

**Rating:** PG-13 (slashy sexual themes, but still no actual sex..._yet_)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own BSG and Romo Lampkin will be my lawyer if anyone tries to sue me!

**Author's Note:** Thanks to **lls_mutant** who betaed this for me.

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**2. Return from Kobol****  
**  
Gaius couldn't believe it. There had been _nobody_ there to meet him when he had stepped off the rescue Raptor onto the hanger deck of the Galactica. Not _one person_ inquiring over the health and well being of the Vice President of the Colonies. It was beyond absurd. What was this ragtag civilisation coming to?

There _was_ however a large crowd of knuckledraggers who had flooded the decks to welcome home Chief Tyrol, Cally and Seelix with blankets and embraces. Yes, they were all so relieved to see that the bloody technicians had returned alive and so crushed when they broke the news about the sad fates of Tarn and Socinus. Gaius had drifted into a lonely shadowed corner of the hanger deck; glaring at them, forgotten and estranged. The happy reunion was broken up by an armed escort who arrived to take the Chief to the brig for questioning over his relationship with Sharon Valerii.

As soon as he heard that name, Gaius fled from the decks, hurrying up ladders and along corridors to get back to his quarters. If Valerii had been unmasked as a cylon agent then it wouldn't be long before they came knocking on his door, demanding to know why his detection test had failed and dragging him down to the cells to examine the specimen. Gaius was in no mood for this business. His face was slicked with sweat and blood. The explosions were still ringing in his ears. He could still smell the gun powder in his nostrils. _The first time he had fired a weapon. The first time he had taken a life_. He didn't regret it. He had done it to save the others. But the act itself still sickened and disturbed him.

Gaius stepped through the door to find his quarters empty. He had hoped at least to find his Six waiting for him. He had wanted to see her lying in his bed, wearing that dazzling little red number; all eager to take advantage of this brief window of private time that remained to him. Down on the planet she had been a wise and terrifying angel to him. His fear of her was slowly diminishing his lust, but he still needed her. He still needed _someone_.

Gaius sighed into the silence, bowing his head and pinching his brow.

"Oh, thank the Gods..." gasped a voice at his door. "You're alright…"

Gaius barely had time to raise his eyes and turn around, before his arms were full of Felix Gaeta. The young officer hugged him tightly whilst wheezing for breath against his shoulder. He patted Gaius twice on the back, before letting him go and retreating a pace; struggling to regain his composure. Gaius smiled faintly. It still wounded his pride that Gaeta was the only crewman to welcome him back, but he was touched there was at least one person in this loathsome fleet who cared to check on him.

"I…I'm sorry, Doctor," Gaeta said, flushing. "I didn't mean to burst in on you. I...I've just been so worried. We would have sent a rescue party sooner, but we…we lost the fleet. _I lost them_. It was my fault. I was supposed to update the jump co-ordinates, but I forgot to transmit them. So then I had to network the computers to calculate the fleet's position. I followed your navigation system the best I could. I'm _sure_ I broke the connection before they penetrated the firewall, but...but now the computers are all twitchy. I've probably made things worse. _Frak_. This is all my fault..."

Gaeta looked worn out and close to tears. He rubbed his temples in slow circles, trying to settle his fraying nerves. Gaius's arms hung stiff at his sides. He didn't have the energy to comfort him.

"It's not your fault, Mr Gaeta…" Gaius managed flatly. "These things happen. You're not responsible."

Gaeta shook his head, rapidly. "If we make mistakes, then people die. I know not everyone made it back from Kobol. I heard about Crashdown. I saw Ensign Davis was crying in the remembrance halls. This…this is just so _frakked_ _up_! We were only playing cards with him two nights ago. Are…are you okay, Doctor? Were you there when it happened? Did you see him…?"

Gaius swallowed hard. "He gave his life in the finest tradition of the service."

Gaeta exhaled and nodded, seeming comforted by the thought that Crash had died honourably. Gaius knew different and he could only hope the young man had died instantly; that he had no time to realise who had dispatched him.

"When I didn't see you on the hanger deck, I thought maybe you…" Gaeta winced. "But you're okay…it's okay..."

The lieutenant took a calming breath then launched into another outburst.

"Did you hear that Valerii shot the old man?!" he exclaimed in a new rush of hysteria. "She's one of them, Doctor. She's a cylon! One of the sleeper agents I think. She didn't seem to realise what she was doing. I…I don't understand how this could have happened. We tested Valerii, didn't we? Her results were clear! I'm sure of it. How could we have cleared her?! How could we…" He shook his head. "The Commander's still in a critical condition, Doctor. It's all so terrible. It's all my fa…"

In one swift movement, Gaius reached out a hand, cupped the back of Gaeta's neck and then pressed his lips down hard against his mouth. His first motivation for the kiss was a simple one. He just couldn't abide the sound of Gaeta's wittering voice any longer. He didn't want to hear about their failures over the cylon testing. He had little concern for Commander Adama's recovery after the prophecies that the Six had revealed to him on Kobol. Gaius wanted Gaeta to shut up about these things. He wanted a moment's peace from it all.

But more than that…Gaius realised he had been pushing all his frustrations down into the pit of his stomach. He had pushed them down so low they were now quietly raging in his loins. Gaius could feel his whole body throbbing and straining for release from that frustration. So he forced Gaeta's lips apart. He ran his tongue over his teeth...

_Yes_, he was a man now. He was a man with murder in his heart and blood on his hands. He was predatory. He was savage. He needed something to devour.

"Doctor Baltar…" Gaeta's muffled voice gasped out.

The young officer broke away from his impulsive kiss, staggering back, his cheeks flushing and his eyes dazed. From his expression you would have thought that Gaius had just bitten him. He hadn't seen the lieutenant look so startled since the time he had cornered him in the toilet stalls to harass him about the Godfrey photograph.

"I…I need to get back to the bridge…" Gaeta stammered out.

Gaeta nodded his head, inwardly confirming this to himself. It seemed he was dealing with the kiss by not acknowledging it had even occurred, as if it would be improper to mention such a thing.

Gaius clung to his sleeve, his nails digging into the fabric.

"_Stay_…" he breathed, trying to reel him in closer.

"No!" Gaeta yelled, tugging himself free. "I can't frakking stay! I'm on duty. I have to go back. I promised Dee I would only be fifteen minutes. I've already been more like twenty minutes! It…it's crazy up there, Doctor. Everything's frakked up! The Colonel has just declared martial law. Now he's off boozing and frakking with his wife again. He's leaving me with the mess! The angry calls, the protest threats…these people don't understand I'm just following orders! It's so _frakked up_!!"

Gaeta's words echoed in his damaged ears. Gaius had known the young officer for several months now but he didn't think he had ever heard him speak so many words or heard him cursing in so many sentences. Everyone has their limits. Gaius exhaled, shaking his head. He was beginning to feel irritated by Gaeta in return. The boy had come barging into his rooms…for what? A cuddle and a sympathetic ear? Frak that. Gaius had quietly decided that Gaeta's troubles were nothing compared to the trauma he had been put through on that planet. If Gaeta was now invading his private quarters then Gaius wanted him quiet, naked and face down on his mattress. If that wasn't on the cards then Gaeta could get back to his precious duties for all he cared. He didn't wish to listen to any more of this tedious whining.

"Very well," Gaius blurted. "Don't let me keep you, Mr Gaeta."

Gaeta fell silent, recovering his breath and still lingering in spite of his dismissal. He looked regretful now as if his fierce dedication to his post had robbed him of an opportunity he feared would never come to him again. Gaius could taste it on his lips. Gaeta wanted this as much as he did. No, he wanted it _more_.

"There...there just isn't time, Doctor..." he said sheepishly. "It wouldn't be fair to Dee. She hasn't had any rack time in hours. She's exhausted. Neither of us has been off-duty for…for…"

Gaeta faltered and squinted at his watch. It seemed he had now lost track of exactly how long he and Dualla had been stuck on the bridge, trying to hold things together while their commanding officer was off sucking from his bottle. It seemed this loss of order was throwing Gaeta into turmoil. The lieutenant swayed and stared numbly. He was weary. He was vulnerable. Gaius could have taken advantage of this and finished his conquest if he wanted. He decided he better not though. He too feared for the fleet if Felix Gaeta was not on watch in the CIC.

"Back to work, Lieutenant," Gaius said sharply, using his rank to snap him into focus, something that Roslin had advised him to do with the military crew when they lost their nerve.

It had the desired effect. Gaeta blinked and pulled himself together.

"Right away, sir," he said, even though he was under no obligation to call Gaius '_sir'_.

With that, Gaeta turned on his heels and marched swiftly out of his sleeping quarters. Gaius was left alone once more in his room that seemed even emptier than it had done before.

"You scared him," said a voice by his side. "Be careful, Gaius. You'll be needing him later. Your paths are aligned together."

Gaius turned to see his Six leaning her back against the wall. She was still dressed in the heavy black jacket that made her look more like a philosopher than a temptress. _You scare me_, Gaius thought moodily and he knew that she could read the fear inside his head, like his mind was a sheet of Braille.

Why was the Six being so stern and serious with him these days? She used to enjoy the thrill of seduction as much as he did. They had been sexual hedonists together. Six had made no secret of her own attractions towards certain women on the ship and she had often said that she was curious to see him with another man. While they both knew that Gaius preferred the ladies, he had confessed to her that he had some modest experience with his own sex. Why, at the tender age of seventeen he had given a blow job to his comprehensive school teacher just to get the old pervert to sign his scholarship papers. Not much of a liaison; more a case of Gaius getting to his knees and thinking of Caprica. But there had been other more pleasurable incidences since then. _Yes_, some of those wilder parties where gender lines had become blurry over one too many drinks and one too many naked bodies cramming the mattress space.

But with Gaeta it was different. He was a challenge, a peevish little challenge and Gaius couldn't for the life of him understand why the lad was being so troublesome to get into bed. It was clear that Gaeta adored him._ Truly_ he was more enamoured of him than most of the women he had slept with. So why wasn't Gaius being allowed the same caresses and indulgences that he usually enjoyed with those who were besotted with him?

"Don't worry," said Six, her voice softening. "He's still your friend, Gaius. I dare say you'll have your way with him next time. He may not be a woman, but he has a secret beauty of his own...even if you don't see it yet."

Gaius lowered his head and shuffled towards her, hoping that she might take him in her arms and guide him to his bunk. Six sidestepped his advances, wrinkling her nose and regarding him with a critical eye.

"You should shower, Gaius," she advised. "They'll be calling you soon."

Six's tone was blunt enough to let Gaius know that she wouldn't be joining in the wash room. She sat at his couch, pursing her lips and resting her chin on her knuckles. Gaius undressed in front of her, not even caring to hide his poor neglected erection from her. Six paid him no further attention as he slipped into the shower cubical. For the first time Gaius decided it was a good thing the water on this ship was always frakking cold.

_TBC..._


	3. After the Election

**Synopsis:** A few hours after Gaius Baltar has been voted President of the Colonies he invites Gaeta back to his quarters and makes him a tempting proposition.

**Characters:** Baltar/Gaeta, with appearences from Six.

**Rating:** NC-17 for explicit sex (_yeah baby_)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own BSG and Romo Lampkin will be my lawyer if anyone tries to sue me!

**Author's Note:** Thanks to **lls_mutant**who betaed this for me.

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**3. After the Election**

Gaius had been President of the Colonies for exactly two hours. Already he was depressed and bored with it. Adama had summoned him to his quarters in the later part of the evening to inform him of the highly suspicious voting error and the newly amended results to the election. It was only in that moment that Gaius realised how he truly felt about it all. _Yes_, he had to admit it…when he had heard the wireless news of Roslin's win his reaction had been one of quiet relief and grudging acceptance. It was Zarek who had thrown up his hands, ranting that the result was a fix and sending out his sources to investigate. Gaius couldn't care less. He had left his lab and retired for an early night. It was only after he was woken to the news of his victory that he started to fear that his candidacy had been a very bad idea.

Gaius stepped out of the toilet cubical, clutching a bottle of whisky to his chest. He had been hiding there for the last twenty minutes. The function room was crowded with a selection of his campaign team and his high profile supporters; the last-minute guests to his belated celebration party. Gaius cringed a smile and shook their hands, whilst threading his way through the crowd, like he was performing a ritual dance. They all wanted to talk politics with him. Gaius had forgotten how much he loathed the subject. _Four more years of this?_ He could barely contemplate it. He insisted to them that he was very tired and would soon be returning to his quarters. His eyes swept the room for the one guest he had invited himself.

Gaeta was standing in the far corner at the end of a small buffet table. He had found a bowl of nuts, which he was rhythmically popping into his mouth whilst he examined the surrounding walls. Gaius smiled and approached him slowly. Gaeta didn't notice his presence until he was only a step away.

"It's good to see you, Mr Gaeta…" Gaius began, regarding him fondly. "I'm so pleased you could attend at such short notice."

Gaeta quickly swallowed his nuts and reached for a glass of champagne from the table, which he raised in a clumsy toast.

"Congratulations, Mr Pres..." he began.

"Oh, never mind all that…" Gaius cut in. He rolled his eyes, waving a hand dismissively, as he clanked his whisky bottle against the brim of the champagne glass. "How have you been, old friend? I haven't seen you in months. They've got you so busy with DRADIS and star charts and jump co-ordinates in the CIC. You never visit my lab anymore."

Gaius pouted at him. Gaeta blinked in surprise to learn that he had been missed. The truth was Gaius hadn't thought all that much about Gaeta. The man hadn't really crossed his mind until his conversation with Zarek an hour earlier.

"How are you enjoying the party?" Gaius continued.

"The party? Yes, _well_…it's…" the young officer faltered, looking nervously about him, "…I don't really know anyone here."

"_Gods_, neither do I," said Gaius. "They're all Zarek's cronies. We didn't have time to invite anyone else. No Galactica crew apart from yourself Felix. We feel you're the only military serviceman we can trust these days."

Gaeta lowered his eyes, his cheeks flushing with colour. Judging by this reaction, Gaius was willing to believe that Zarek had been right in his suspicions after all. He sighed, taking his cigar case from his pocket and offering a Caprican Imperial. He placed a hand to Gaeta's back and drew him into a quiet corner.

"Listen…since neither of us is feeling particularly sociable this evening, what do you say we slip away to my room and catch up? _Hmm_?"

Gaeta raised an eyebrow, his face lighting with possibilities. It seemed he still remembered their fumblings after Gaius's return from Kobol. He didn't need to be asked twice. He followed behind Gaius as he made a hasty exit from his own victory party. They continued furtively down the corridors, managing to reach his quarters unnoticed. Once Gaius had turned the lock on the door, he sat the young lieutenant down on his mattress, lit his cigar and poured him a tumbler of whisky.

For a while, they did little else but drink, smoke and exchange idle pleasantries. But they both knew what they were building towards in this room. For his own part, Gaius had to admit he really needed to frak somebody tonight. The Six in his head was still being cold and fickle with him. Gina was probably never going to allow another man to touch her after the degradations she had suffered on the Pegasus. Of course, Gaius could have chosen any one of his campaign groupies to satisfy his desires, but there was another matter that he wished to discuss with Mr Gaeta. He might as well kill two birds with one stone.

"You know, Zarek has a theory," said Gaius, shifting closer to Gaeta on the mattress. "The fellow's convinced that this election was rigged for Laura Roslin. I insisted to him that the current administration and the Colonial military were not so corrupt. But Zarek _has_ uncovered some interesting rumours from an acquaintance of his onboard the Zephyr. Something about a misprint on their ballots…something about a phone call made to the supervising officer of the vote count…"

Gaeta slugged back his whisky, not offering anything up.

"_You_ were that supervisor, were you not, Lieutenant?" Gaius nudged him.

Gaeta winced. "I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss…"

"Yes, yes, I understand your position," Gaius sighed. "You're very loyal to them, Mr Gaeta. I just don't like to see your loyalties abused. They take you for granted. You've been so dedicated to the service. You're brighter than any other officer working in that CIC. You really ought to have been promoted beyond your current station by now. Of course, the Admiral _does_ like to play favourites, doesn't he?"

"Yes sir," Gaeta admitted. "But I still can't say anything."

Gaius didn't press him further. He already had all the confirmation he needed. Gaeta had bristled at the word _favourites_. And who might have been involved in this election conspiracy? Gaius could easily guess. Could it be Colonel Tigh, the drunken crackpot who clung to his position as XO through his enduring friendship with Adama? Could it be Petty Officer Dualla, all set for a transfer and a big promotion now that she was frakking the Admiral's much-pampered son? What chance did poor Gaeta have in the military when his commanding officer was so biased towards these colleagues of his who had gone behind his back in an attempt to corrupt the democratic system? What was his honesty worth to these people?

"You're an idealist, Felix," he said softly. "If you feel that you might need somewhere else to invest your ideals now that, _well..._" He left the implication hanging. "Zarek has reminded me that I need to appoint someone as my Chief of Staff…" He smiled, awkwardly. "I've never had any _staff_ to speak of on this vessel apart from you, Mr Gaeta. To be honest, I doubt there's a better man for the job..."

Gaius coiled an arm around his shoulders. He was clinging to Gaeta like a security blanket now. The truth was that Gaius didn't trust Zarek. He didn't trust any of the dubious characters that Zarek had brought into his political circle. He didn't trust Gina or her fringe group of cylon sympathisers. Most of all Gaius didn't really trust himself with the daunting responsibilities that the people of the twelve colonies had thrust upon him.

He needed someone that he _did_ trust or this whole thing was going to fall apart.

"I'll think about it, Doctor Baltar," Gaeta answered evasively.

"Actually…it's _President_ Baltar now. Or Mr President Elect. I haven't decided which honorific I prefer." He pursed his lips. "But you can call me Gaius…because you're my friend…and because you know how to spell it."

Gaius treated him to a knowing wink. He decided that he would think of him as Felix now too. He was weary of the titles and formalities between them.

Felix nodded, acceptingly. "_Gaius_…"

He breathed out the word; softly, experimentally. Gaius leaned in close and kissed his lower lip, catching his own name as it fell from his mouth. The kiss was delicate and tantalising. It had none of the abruptness of the kiss they had shared all those months ago; the kiss that neither of them had mentioned since. Gaius allowed this new kiss to hang in the air, his breath warm against Felix's cheek, enticing him to reciprocate. When he failed to move Gaius whispered into his ear.

"You saved my life, Felix," he reminded him. "I know that you saved my presidency too. Now won't you allow me to do a little something for you in return? _Please_?"

Gaeta tensed for a moment. Slowly he inclined his head in a nod.

"_Okay_…" he whispered in reply.

A murmur of consent; it was all that Gaius needed. He placed the whisky bottle on the nearby table and dimmed the lights in the room. He gently teased the uniform away from Felix's skin. He even took the time to fold it for him. He snatched a tube of lubricant from his washroom cabinet and placed it in a reachable spot beside the bed. Gaeta watched his preparations with nervous eyes. Gaius didn't sense any reluctance in his stare, but there were little hints of shyness, trepidation and embarrassment; a cocktail that Gaius fancied was called _virginal_.

Oh, he couldn't say for sure whether this was the lieutenant's first time. He suspected as much and the mere thought of it filled him with vainglorious rapture. Gaius could barely remember the loss of his own virginity. He had been fourteen years old. It had been in a haystack on the outskirts of Cuttle with a little milkmaid called Lottie, who had cried afterwards, complaining that he had gone to fast and it had hurt her. From that moment Gaius knew he was a selfish lover. But with Felix he felt compelled to make it perfect. This was a different kind of indulgence. Gaius could see his own face reflected in Felix's pupils. In the glittering mirrors of those eyes Gaius was a hero. He was a dream and Felix was the boy with this impossible dream caught up in his head. If this was indeed his first time, then Gaius knew that it must be no less than sublime.

Gaius pressed him gently to the mattress. He didn't roll him over. He held his stare and whispered reassurances in his ear. Gaius didn't think he had ever been so tender with a woman. Felix lay braced and willing as Gaius laid a trail of kisses down his neck, onto his collar bone and then his chest. He was pleasantly surprised to find the tiger tattoo. He licked it in approval, tracing its shape with his tongue. It seemed that Felix had taken his advice about having a little more fun.

Gaius draped himself more comfortably between Felix's legs. He reached one hand up to cup his cheek and one hand down to wrap around his cock. He felt its heat, its throbbing, _the__ yearning_ which spread in ripples through his entire body. Gaius clasped those vibrations in his hand and soon they became a fierce pulsing in his own loins. He could no longer bear it. His hand fell away from Felix's erection and dipped down between his thighs, fingering at his entrance. Felix gasped and writhed against the touch. His body was like an instrument with all its strings tuned too tightly. Gaius held him still, pressing another finger inside him; issuing sharper notes from his lips. Felix's eyes were wide and blurry now. His warm olive skin was dewy with sweat. _Yes_, Gaius had fogged up his own mirror now. He was perilously close to shattering its glass. He stroked Felix's body from his temples to his sternum, resting his palm flat against his stomach; feeling it quiver.

"_Gaius_…" Felix echoed once more.

It was no longer a whisper, but a _moan_, a desperate plea. Gaius drew back his hand. He wasted little time greasing his cock and Felix's hole with the lubricant. Then he leaned forwards and pushed himself inside…pushing all the way into those dark tender unexplored places of Felix Gaeta. It was alarming how much he was savouring this. Gaius had never realised the virtue of patience until now. His thrusts were slow and measured. He squeezed his eyes shut. His lips tumbled onto Felix's gasping mouth; his hair forming a curtain around his face.

Gaius felt his mind slipping out from his body. He felt his senses spiralling away to his old house by the lake in the fairest suburb of Caprica. Gaius wandered through the empty rooms. He stepped through the sliding doors and out onto the sunlit porch. He found Six lazing on the deck chair in the setting sun. She had a bottle of champagne on ice resting by her elbow. She smiled up at him, lifting the bubbly from its bucket, popping the cork and pouring them each a glass.

"_Congratulations Gaius. You finally sealed the deal."_

Gaius sat beside her, taking a sip of his drink and nodding resolutely.

"Yes..._indeed_," he murmured. "But listen…I don't think it's really appropriate for me to stay here and chat with you. I...I'm supposed to be making love."

Six rolled her eyes. _"This isn't love, Gaius. It's politics."_

He returned to his bed in a spluttering of breath and the tremors of ejaculation. Gaius was so disorientated that he couldn't tell if the experience had been as_ ideal _for Felix as he had wanted it to be. But Felix's expression was perfectly serene as he wiped their sticky orgasmic puddles away from the mattress; as he plumped up the pillows and allowed Gaius to recline on his back. Felix curled up against his chest, draping a lazy arm around his hip and tucking his head beneath his chin, like a cat that has found itself a warm lap to sleep on.

They lay like that in silence for a moment. Gaius imagined he had been quite masterful as a lover even though he hadn't really been concentrating. He stroked the younger man's head with his fingertips. His soft dark scalp was like velvet to touch.

"You have lovely hair," Gaius remarked to him. "You know...if you left the military, you could let it grow longer. You might look like one of those pretty curly-headed boys who sing in the Caprican Opera."

"I said I'll think about it, Gaius," Felix shot back.

"Yes, of course," Gaius said briskly. "You're thinking about it. You're lying naked in the President's bed just _toying_ with the idea."

Felix erupted in giggles. Gaius felt the laughter tickling at his skin. The body in his arms was loose and relaxed, like a spring that had been uncoiled.

Felix's laughter stretched into a yawn. "Well, it's not like I believed in Earth anyway. I guess I need something new to believe in. Something _real _this time."

Felix hugged him closer. Gaius suddenly felt himself stiffen. Felix was clinging a little too tightly now. He was expecting a little more than was being offered to him. Gaius didn't wish to spoil the enchanting moment he had created, but he felt the need to set a few ground rules before things got out of hand.

"Listen Felix," he began tentatively. "I'm sure you realise we are going to have to be very _discreet_ about this." He chose his words carefully. "As a matter of _propriety_…it would be quite the scandal if it were known that the new President was having these sorts of _relations_ with his Chief of Staff. You know…the Gemonese and Sagittarons still have some very hostile views about this kind of affection between two men. It could cause a big upset with the religious contingent. Not that I approve of those tired old prejudices, but...as _President_, I must remain a neutral figure in the public eye. I'm sure you understand that, Felix. I have my reputation to think about."

Gaius chewed his lip, fearing that he had put this across in the wrong way. Felix's hands were looser on his waist now. His quietness seemed solemn and pensive.

"I understand, sir..." said Felix, his voice tinged with disappointment.

Gaius squeezed his shoulders, trying his best to reassure him.

"Look all I'm saying is…this is going to have to be our little secret."

Felix lifted his head, meeting his stare in the dim light. The sparkle had returned to his eyes now. _A little secret_ just between them…like their secret cylon detector project which Felix had taken such a pitiful delight in. Felix cherished all these little secrets that he kept with Gaius Baltar; secrets that nobody else would ever know. With those words, Felix was content again. He snuggled close to him and sighed.

"I love you, Gaius…"

Felix's voice was barely a whisper, but screamed with sincerity. Gaius felt his jaw clenching in the shadows. He wasn't sure if he was smiling or cringing.

"Love you too…" he forced out.

He could feel Felix's smile against his chest and Gaius was definitely wincing now.

He felt sure this would only be the start of the lies.

_TBC..._


	4. The First Intern

**Synopsis:** Felix arrives at the Colonial One to find President Baltar in bed with one of his staff.

**Characters:** Baltar/Gaeta, with mentions of Gina.

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild sexual references.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own BSG and Romo Lampkin will be my lawyer if anyone tries to sue.

**Author's Note:** Yes, I am finally returning to my Baltar/Gaeta series after what feels like a ten year absence. My apologies to the readers who were eagerly following this story before it stopped dead. I promise that I'll be continuing to the end now. It has been easier to shape the conclusion now my ship has its canon resolve. For any of my newer flisters who are not familiar with this saga; feel free to either catch up or just read this entry (or not!). Each chapter is fairly self-contained.  
Many thanks to **lls_mutant** who betaed this for me!

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**4. The First Intern**

Gaius woke to a fierce banging in his head.

He moaned, tucking his pillow around his ears and curling his body into the fetal position. He was a bratty infant of a President at this time in the morning. He refused to open his eyes until the pounding ceased. It felt like there was a Raider volleying inside his skull. Gaius decided there must be something very wrong with his brain. He would have to see a doctor about these headaches. It was only after the tenth _bang _that he realised the sound was not coming from inside his mind. Someone was knocking at the entrance to his bed chamber.

"Mr President…" said a terse impatient voice.

Gaius raised himself onto his elbows, cursing and forcing his eyelids to open. Felix Gaeta stood in the doorway of his private rooms, rapping his knuckles against the wall of the passage that joined his quarters to his office. Once his vision had cleared, Gaius saw that Felix was not looking at him. His eyes were fixed on the girl lying beside him on the mattress. Her rust red hair was spread over his pillows; her large milky breasts were exposed above the covers. She was one of the interns that worked for his administration; the first intern Gaius had taken to his bed.

Felix took a breath. He was careful to keep his expression officious, but there was no hiding the betrayal in his eyes. For one giddy moment Gaius thought he was going to cry. He realised he wanted to see it happen. But to his disappointment, Felix tightened his jaw and managed to hold himself together.

"The morning report is waiting on your desk, sir," he said.

With that, Felix turned his back and exited his chamber. Gaius let out a snort and slumped back on the mattress; defeated. It hardly seemed worth it now. He had been hoping for a better reaction out of Felix than _that_.

It was over a month now since they had last slept together. The memory was not a pleasant one. Gaius had been pushy, frustrated and drunk out of his skull. Felix had been tense and distracted; made_ frigid_by the pressures of his duties. The following morning Gaius had woken up with a raging hangover and found Felix sitting up in bed, his arms folded over his chest, complaining that their sex had been rushed and uncomfortable for him. Gaius had muttered a weak apology and then handed him a suppository from his bedside drawer. Felix had shot him one last disdainful look before climbing back into his clothes and storming out of his room in a simmering fury.

"You had better get dressed," Gaius groaned, nudging the girl at his side.

The intern pouted and clung to the bedclothes. Gaius supposed the only reason she had slept with him was for this chance of lounging in this soft bed in the warm. He had forgotten her name already. It was something like Jessica or Clarissa or Vanessa; some cheap little tease of a name like that. Her name didn't matter. She held no significance. This wasn't the first time he had cheated on Felix. No indeed; it had only been a matter of hours after their first time that Gaius had taken the shuttle over to the Cloud Nine and proceeded in bedding Gina. Well, he could hardly pass up the opportunity. He never imagined the abused cylon woman would give him the chance. And since Gaius was severing ties with Gina for his settlement on New Caprica, Felix would never know. He hadn't seen the harm in it.

Gaius had felt on top of the world that morning when he had arrived on the Colonial One to be sworn into the presidency. He had been on a roll. He had succeeded three of his most triumphant conquests; one over Felix Gaeta, one over Gina Inviere, and the last and sweetest of all over Laura Roslin.

It had all come crashing down with the destruction of the Cloud Nine.

Following the terrorist attack, Gaius had spent a long night crying in Felix's arms while the younger man had held him gently and attempted to console him with loving reassurances; _The bombing wasn't your fault, Gaius. You've been so busy with the election campaign. The military should have put better security on the doors of your lab... _Yes, Felix had even blamed himself for not suggesting these precautions. He was still so innocent and trusting back then. He had smoothed the hair back from Gaius's brow and stopped his tears by promptly accepting the position of Chief of Staff in his administration; _We can put this tragedy behind us, Gaius. We can build up the dream of New Caprica together.._. For a brief moment Felix had become _his_ hero. Gaius had wanted so desperately to believe him.

He still wanted Felix as his security blanket; as something safe and reliable to cling to. Their relationship had been troubling for him in the months that followed. Gaius knew he preferred women and these homosexual inclinations were forced on him by circumstance. But Gina had made an intriguing confession on the night of their liaison. She had told him that she had once been the lover of Admiral Cain; a woman who had later ordered her to be raped and tortured by the men under her command. _I know it was the men who did it to me_, Gina had said, _but it was worse…far worse….to be betrayed by Helena. Part of me had really thought we were in love. But after what she did…I somehow feel safer in the arms of a man._ Gaius understood only to well. After the shock of Gina's own betrayal and abuse of his trust, Gaius felt safer in the arms of a man too. Women were cruel and merciless; none more so than the Sixes.

It had been months since Gaius had slept with a woman, probably the longest period of his adulthood. But as this previous evening had proved, he couldn't break the habit of a lifetime. Gaius sighed, glancing back to his lazing intern.

"Listen, if you're not up and out of that bed in the next ten minutes I'm going to have to call for security," Gaius snapped impatiently. He was busily pulling himself into his suit, his head still throbbing in time with his movements. "This is the Colonial One; the President's ship. It's not a frakking hotel..."

The girl rolled her eyes. She sat upright and began to dress; slipping her blouse over her head and tugging on her knee-high boots. She had only been hired two days ago. Playa had found her for Gaius, assuring him the girl would be willing and that she wouldn't leak this little scandal in the press. In fact she had promised she could employ more interns of this nature in exchange for the supplies and favours she enjoyed as part of the President's inner circle.

Gaius was already groaning as he stepped out of his chamber and into his office. There was a stack of documents waiting for him on the desk and Felix was standing close by, casting his shadow over them.

"Good morning, Mr President," he said.

Gaius frowned at the greeting. These days Felix had a cultivated a way of saying _Mr President_ so that it rhymed with _you bastard_.

"Yes, morning…where are my pills?"

Gaius sank into his chair and rummaged his drawers for anything that might alleviate his headache which was now swelling into a migraine. He spotted one of the cheap yellow pharmaceuticals that Cottle had given him lying near his ashtray. He scooped it up and swallowed it dry. Gaius was going to have to demand a stronger prescription. Maybe he would even have to take a trip to the Galactica for another brain scan. It really felt like there was tumour growing up there.

"Just a few items, sir," said Felix, ignoring his mood. "I've scheduled a meeting this afternoon to discuss the candidates for the union presidency. Galen Tyrol seems to be gaining public support after his protest rally on…"

"_Gods_, not that oafish windbag…" Gaius interrupted.

Felix didn't pause or bat an eyelid at his remark. "We may, of course, discuss your reservations over Mr Tyrol's nomination at the meeting, sir…though the union leader will still be chosen by a democratic vote..."

Gaius narrowed his eyes. He might almost call it impressive how much snide and derision Felix managed to slip into these little customary speeches.

Before he could continue the intern came slinking out of his chamber; her blouse only half-fastened, her boots unlaced. Gaius threw a sly glance at Felix. He reached out and hooked a finger through the belt loop of her skirt.

"I'm so sorry about my temper just now," he cooed, pulling the girl onto his lap and kissing her neck. "The pressures of leadership, you know..."

The intern smiled, leaning into his caresses. She took a cigarette from his desk and sparked it up. Then she wandered over to the couch and flopped down on its cushions, making herself at home in these opulent surroundings. Gaius winked at her and then turned his attention back to Felix. He still wasn't reacting. His face was stony and impassive. He was just like the Six he had lived with on Caprica who had refused to lose her composure over Gaius's many affairs.

"I also have the new draft of the census for your inspection," Felix went on. "It's in this folder here, sir. It requires your signature."

"A census?! Is _that_ what you've been wasting your time on?"

Gaius rose to his feet and rounded the desk. There were mornings when he didn't care for Felix standing over him like an interrogator. Gaius stood by his side and shook his head over the long list of names that Felix had collected. His aide was obsessed with names on lists, just like Roslin had once been obsessed by the numbers on her white board. Gaius imagined Felix had memorised the name of every person in their colony by now. He still persisted with these compulsive little lists.

"Mr Gaeta, I thought we agreed that the census was to be annual," he complained. "We've been down on this planet only a matter of months. There have been no cylon attacks, no major civil catastrophes, so I don't see why you…"

"I think it's important that we keep records of our people, _sir_. We have a population of 39, 197 souls in New Caprica City. We have sworn an oath to protect them. That starts with knowing who these people are; how many we have, how many we've lost. In the cold weather spells we have been losing many of our elderly citizens to pneumonia and influenza. Medicines are limited so there's only so much we can do. The _least_ we can do is keep them in our records…"

"Yes, but…it's not really that _bad_, is it?!" Gaius protested. "It can't be as bad as those months we spent being hunted across the galaxy, fleeing for our lives. It's been much better since I took office and we started this settlement, hasn't it? What about the babies, Felix? You told me there have been five babies born in..."

"_Four_ babies, Mr President," Felix corrected him, still not meeting his eyes. "One of them died of meningitis…just last week."

Gaius rubbed his temples. His headache was unbearable now.

"Dear Gods, why must this job be so depressing?"

Felix finally turned his head, scowling openly now. "You think that _your_ job is depressing? Gaius…you aren't living out there! You do nothing for those people. You don't even seem to care. So why don't you just sign these papers and I'll get on with doing your _frakking_ job for you…"

Gaius's hand whipped up and struck Felix across the face, his knuckles cracking against his chin.

Felix took a step back, his eyes wide and appalled. His President had just hit him. Gaius could not believe it either. He stared down at his trembling hand in revulsion. It felt like a cylon device must have controlled his actions. He wasn't a violent man by nature. There was something very wrong with him. Could Felix not _see_ he was becoming unwell?

The intern sitting on the couch spluttered a laugh, enjoying the show. Gaius shot her a beseeching look, silently begging her not to make things worse. Felix turned his back, crossing the room to the cabin windows. He stood gazing out over the planet; over the windy shanty town that they called a city. For the first time, Gaius realised that this was _his_ planet. This was Felix Gaeta's broken dream of New Caprica. It was becoming all too clear who was the real leader and who was the assistant of this government. Felix had the look of a sea captain; standing on the deck of his ship that has sprung leaks and is sinking fast. He knew his civilisation was failing. He looked close to admitting that his idealism and his ambition had outstretched him; that he had taken on more responsibilities than he could handle…

_No_, Gaius didn't want Felix to give up on his dream just yet. He turned back to his desk, snatching up a pen and scribbling his name down on all the dotted lines. He didn't care what the documents were. If they were important to Felix then he would sign them and trust that it was the right thing to do.

"Felix…_here_, I've signed them…" Gaius slipped the papers neatly back inside their folder and carried them over to him, holding them out like a cringing servant. "_Look_…I signed them just like you wanted me to…"

Felix glanced down at the documents, his eyes narrowing on his signature. To think this same man had once hoped to have Gaius Baltar autograph his science manuals. Now he looked at his name like it was a stain on the paper.

"Thank you…" Felix said tonelessly. He tucked the folder under his arm and then leaned close to whisper to Gaius. "You might want to offer your little friend a bribe. You don't want her to talk. After all we know how much you value your reputation."

Gaius winced at the sarcasm. He knew what Felix was implying. He recalled his insistence that their own relationship had to remain secret. Gaius tried to appear oblivious. He shared a conspiratorial nod with Felix and then scowled at the young intern who was still lounging on his cushions and taking her sweet time to lace up her boots. Gaius looked back just in time to see Felix rolling his eyes and turning towards the exit. Gaius raised his knuckles to his mouth, chewing his skin. _Gods_, it had finally happened. Felix could see right through him.

"Mr Gaeta…" he called out in desperation.

Felix halted in the doorway, glancing over his shoulder.

"Will there be anything else, sir?"

Gaius swallowed and nodded, wringing his hands. "_Please_…please tell the family of the baby who died...that the President is very sorry for their loss."

Felix held his stare for a moment. Gaius caught the smallest flicker in his eyes; a light that dwindled ever so faintly, yet it was enough to tell Gaius that Felix still believed in him. Or at least, he was still a man who _wanted_ to believe.

"I'll tell them, Mr President…" he said.

_To Be Continued..._


	5. Judgement Day

**Synopsis:** Gaius surrenders to the cylons and is reunited with Caprica-Six.

**Characters:** Baltar, Gaeta, Zarek, Boomer, Caprica.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own BSG and Romo Lampkin will be my lawyer if anyone tries to sue.

**Beta:** Many thanks to **lls_mutant**

* * *

**5. Judgement Day **

His words still hung in the silence of the room.

Two mortifying words; _I surrender_…

Gaius had tasted his own tears as those words fell from his lips, like missiles released from a Raptor. The cylons before his desk smiled at his submission, drinking in their victory with a cool composure. Behind him, Gaius could hear his staff struggling to calm their breaths, trying to show no fear in the face of this helpless defeat. Felix's head was bowed, his jaw set and his fists clenched at his sides. Gaius could see that even now he was retreating into his tactical little brain and trying to formulate a solution to this nightmare. He didn't know when to yield.

Since Felix was no longer looking at him, Gaius turned his head to meet her eyes again. Yes, it was _her_. Even though the Sixes were all born into identical bodies, Gaius imagined that he would have recognised her anywhere. He had been told she would resurrect; that she would rise out of the smoking rubble of their lakeside house on Caprica, but he hadn't ever expected to meet with her again. Now she had found him out. She had come for him like a vengeful angel, a harbinger of all his failings – his weak leadership of this new colony, his stupidity in trading arms with one of her model and the darkest secret of his shame known only to this Number Six; the secret of the access codes that had opened the door to humanities destruction. His Caprica-Six had returned and she had brought with her the memory of all his direst sins.

But _Gods_, she was beautiful. Gaius had forgotten how beautiful she was. Oh, he still saw her apparition everywhere he went. She had been haunting him these last two years. But it still dazzled him to see her in the flesh.

The spell was broken as Zarek came barging onto the ship.

"What the frak is going on here? What in Gods name is..."

The Vice President stopped short as he entered the office. He bristled at the sight of the cylon invaders standing in their government rooms. Zarek took the measure of their situation; narrowing his eyes, drawing in a sharp breath. He nodded to himself. Then his lips curled in a ferocious snarl.

"_You_ are not welcome on this ship," Zarek spoke to the cylons, his voice low yet menacing. "You are not welcome in this city. You destroyed our home worlds. You murdered our people. But the human race was not conquered by your kind. We have fought you across the stars. We have built ourselves a new civilisation on this planet. We will not allow _you _to take our homes from us again. This government will never stoop to collaborate with our enemies. We are the free people of the Twelve Colonies and we will_ never_ stop fighting you for our liberty..."

His speech cut through the air, firing bullets into the word _surrender_.

Gaius couldn't believe what he was hearing. It seemed that Zarek wasn't going to be satisfied until he had convinced their cylon captors to execute every member of the ministry and before proceeding to nuke this entire settlement.

"Mr President!" Zarek barked across the room, prompting him to action.

Gaius felt the bile rising up in his throat. Tears were still spilling over his cheeks and his body was tensed with fear. His threw up his hands.

"What would you have me do, Tom?! What would you have me _do_?!"

Zarek stared at him; a realisation dawning in his eyes. His face twisted with disgust and he shook his head, letting his shoulders fall.

"Oh, you frakking coward…" he muttered, his voice dripping with scorn. "You already surrendered to them, didn't you?"

Gaius swallowed; the shame now becoming a hard lump in his throat. Yes, he had surrendered their fate to these cylons; so had the military and the colonial fleet. What else could he do for his people now? How else could he save their lives? The Eight had promised they would not be harmed...

Gaius opened his mouth, wishing to reason with his Vice President. But at that moment a group of Twos and Fours came marching into his office from the rear entrance. Zarek turned to face them, looking ready for a fight, but the leading Doral seemed to have grown weary of this little spectacle. He gave a nod to one of the Leobens and Zarek was seized by his arms; then dragged towards the exit. Before he was forced from the room Zarek glanced over his shoulder, looking to the ministry staff.

"Let there be no collaboration!" Zarek called out to them. "Do not submit to this oppression!"

Gaius cringed and shuffled his feet. He wished that Zarek wouldn't encourage others to join him in this idiotic last stand. Much to his dismay, several of the staff began to step forwards; their teeth clenched in fury and tears of defiance standing in their eyes.

Gaius quickly turned his attention back to Felix. He was relieved to see that his aide was still deep in thought, seeming dazed by the scene that was unfolding before them. Gaius hurried over to his side, clasping him by the wrist.

"Don't leave me..." he hissed in desperation.

Gaius tugged at his sleeve, wanting to pull him into a corner; a better place for them to cower together. But Felix wasn't trembling like he was. He stood firm, refusing to move. It was like trying to hold hands with a statue.

Suddenly the Eight was rounding the table, closing in on them.

"Felix…Doc…" she said to them. "It's me. It's Boomer."

Gaius blinked in confusion. This was another reunion that he hadn't anticipated. Sharon Valerii stood smiling at them both. Her hands were raised; her palms open and her fingers outspread as though she were approaching a deer in the woods, trying not to startle it. Her stance suggested to him that she meant them no harm; that she wanted to assure them she was still their friend.

"Don't worry…" she soothed; her voice serene. "It's going to be okay. We have come here to make a new beginning…to change things for the better. From now on human and cylon will live together in harmony. They'll be no more hate, no more lies. You'll see. It's all going to be better from now on..."

As Boomer spoke these words, Gaius couldn't help glancing over her shoulder, watching as his ministry staff were led away from his office with their hands behind their heads and guns pressed to their backs. From the windows of the Colonial One he could already see the Centurions marching on the city, their loaded arms raised at the citizens who were huddling on the streets. Still Boomer smiled at them, though even her smile was like something she had programmed onto her face.

"Listen, it's going to take a while to get this situation under control," she conceded, her voice faltering. "Maybe you two should wait in the bed chamber until everything has calmed down. It'll be safer for you there."

Felix frowned at her yet nodded his head grimly. As Boomer ushered them into the bedroom Gaius felt rather like an animal that was being shunted into its cage. He tried not to listen to the noises in his office; the mingling of angry oaths and tearful pleas being uttered by his staff. Out in the corridor he could still hear the echoing sounds of Tom Zarek _not_ coming quietly.

Then there came a sound behind him. Gaius flinched and spun around as he heard the panel door closing; sealing them inside his private quarters. He gasped out in a panic; slapping his hand against the barrier. He tried to reopen the door from the emergency switch on his wall. It would not move.

"Oh _Gods_…has she locked us in?" he stammered. "She's locked the frakking door on us, Felix! What _exactly_ are they planning to do with us?! How long are they going to hold us here? Valerii said that they wouldn't hurt us as long as we cooperated, right? That's what she _said_, isn't it Felix?"

Felix didn't answer. His face was still expressionless; his eyes hazy and distant. He lowered himself onto the bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress. Gaius started to pace the floor in front of him. He could feel another one of those terrible headaches coming on. He wiped the tears from his face with his tie.

"_Gods_, I can't stop crying…Felix, if you want to cry just go ahead and do so. I won't think it unprofessional of you. This is a nightmare! I can't believe Adama left us!! But you have to stay with me, Felix. They've not come here to kill us, so…so there's a chance that you and I can survive this if we only…"

Felix closed his eyes wearily.

"Gaius…shut up."

He bit his tongue and nodded rapidly. "_Right._ Yes, I'm sorry, Felix. I'll try to be quiet for a moment. I can see that you're thinking."

Gaius folded his arms, struggling to restrain himself. He managed a full ten seconds of silence before he crumbled once more.

"_What_ is it you're thinking, Felix?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes…" he answered uncertainly.

"I think Zarek was right."

Gaius shook his head, his panic mounting once again. He reached out and clasped the back of Felix's head, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"_No_, Felix...listen to me! You have to stay with me now. Zarek is going to get himself thrown in detention if he doesn't get himself shot first. I know his speeches all sound very noble but…but what good will it do?! How will it help those people out there? Felix, if you want to help the people, then you have to…"

"_Don't_…" he warned.

Felix's voice was low and tempered, but the look in his eyes was sharp enough to cut Gaius into pieces. He winced and extracted his hand from his hair. Finally Gaius let out a sigh, having exhausted his own fear. He sank down onto the mattress beside Felix, making sure to leave a large airy space between them.

It was several minutes before Felix spoke again.

"How does she know you?" he asked.

Gaius startled at the question.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"The cylon woman…" he clarified; his voice still eerily calm. "The Number Six. The one who said that she knew you..."

He swallowed. "Felix, I don't what you…"

"You know the one that I'm talking about, Gaius. The tall blonde cylon. The same model as Shelley Godfrey." He closed his eyes. "You told me you hadn't seen any of the Six models before. Was that a lie, Gaius? Did you know that Godfrey woman? Did you let the cylons into defence mainframe like she said?"

"Felix…what are you accusing me of?!" Gaius spluttered, knowing that he was accusing him of everything he had _deserved_ to be accused of since the day of the attacks. Gaius still couldn't bring himself to admit it.

"Felix, I…I'm not in cahoots with that woman!" he forced out. "She might know me but I do _not_ know her. We know the cylons have spies in our fleet. Obviously these secret agents are still gathering information about me. They must be trying to discredit me…trying to frame me again..."

But Felix wasn't listening to his feeble excuses.

"The cylon prisoner onboard the Pegasus…" he continued, "...she was a Six model too, wasn't she? Did she really escape on her own, Gaius? Or did you help her to escape? Have you been helping the cylons all this time?"

Gaius stared at him, breathlessly. The more he listened to Felix the more he realised that he hadn't just come to these conclusions in the last few minutes. Felix had been harvesting these suspicions for a long time; storing them at the back of his mind, never wanting to believe they might be the truth.

It _hurt_. Really, it hurt Gaius to learn that Felix doubted him.

But then, of course…he _deserved_ to be doubted.

"Do you love her, Gaius?" Felix asked him at last, his voice very quiet now. "The Six was looking at you like she was in love with you, so I'm guessing you must have loved her. Or did you just say that you loved her so you could frak her?"

His heart clenched. It felt like he was being dissected.

Before Gaius could answer him, the panel door slid back and the very woman they were discussing stepped into the bed chamber. They both rose to their feet, bracing themselves; still uncertain of the cylons intentions. The Six only smiled at them; the same peaceful smile that Boomer had worn.

"We are ready to make our negotiations, Mr President," she said respectfully. "The Ones and Threes have drawn up our plans for a new unified settlement of humans and cylons. They were hoping that your aide could take minutes of the meeting and then make a public announcement to your citizens."

Gaius managed a nod, still feeling a little hysterical.

"_Yes_…yes, he could do that…couldn't you, Mr Gaeta? He really is very good at dictation, you know. He…he has lovely handwriting…"

Gaius fell silent, realising how inane he was sounding. In his own pathetic way he was trying to convince her of Felix's usefulness, so she wouldn't have the other cylons drag him away. Gaius was trying to be the hero for Felix again. Not that he would notice it now. It was much too late for that.

Felix wasn't looking at either of them. He was simply standing his ground, refusing to obey their coaxing commands. The Six regarded him curiously; as if trying to estimate his importance to Gaius and deciding how much she was threatened by it.

In the end, she sighed and cut through the formalities.

"I'd like to speak with Gaius in private," she told Felix bluntly, her smile returning to her lips. "We…we have a lot of catching up to do."

Felix tightened his lips, his eyes falling shut as her words confirmed to him all that he never wanted to be true. Silence fell between them and in that silence Felix learned all there was to know about Gaius and his Six while the Six learned all there was to know Gaius and Felix. Gaius watched them hide their hurt behind masks of impassivity. They really weren't so different from each other.

Felix was the first one to recover. He took a notebook from his pocket, ready to take down notes at the cylon's meeting. Now that his President had waved the white flag it seemed that he was retreating into his only remaining form of security. He was doing his job.

"He's all yours," Felix murmured as he left the room.

Gaius swallowed. It felt like he was standing on the verge of a great precipice. As Felix stepped out, he felt like his last foothold had crumbled away, plunging him into darkness…

Gaius felt the Six's fingers on his chin, turning his face up so that she could look him the eyes. Her other hand clasped hold of his tie like it was a leash. Like Gaius was her runaway pet and she was reclaiming him. She covered his lips with her own; gagging him, smothering him. He belonged to her now.

When she broke their kiss, she cupped his face in her palms.

"Everything's going to be alright, Gaius," she said.

He nodded. Yes,_ of course._ She would protect him. She loved him and she would keep safe him. She would make it alright for him…in the worst possible way.

_To be Continued..._


	6. A Walk at Midnight

**Synopsis: **Gaius becomes worried when he finds Felix in his office late one night.

**Characters:** Baltar, Gaeta, Caprica.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own BSG and Romo Lampkin will be my lawyer if anyone tries to sue.

**Beta:** Thanks once again to lls_mutant for her excellent suggestions.

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**6. A Walk at Midnight**

Gaius and Caprica lay together on the mattress, a stretch of cold space between their bodies. They never slept in each other's arms anymore. She didn't sit in his lap or stroke back his hair. Even sex between them was becoming sorely infrequent in this fourth month of the occupation. For the first time in his life, Gaius was losing his drive for it. Depression and nervous exhaustion were taking their toll on his desires. Caprica was similarly passionless and unengaged. She lay curled on her side, her back thrust at him. She said she was trying to sleep and Gaius didn't know how she could. He was sitting up in bed, his shoulders propped against the headboard, a lit cigarette dangling from his limp fingers. There was a glass of ambrosia on his bedside table. It was helping to numb him. He had run out of his pills.

"I just can't sleep with my head in this state," Gaius complained.

Caprica sighed. "Have Gaeta stop by at the hospital tent tomorrow," she suggested, her voice betraying how bored she was with his whining. "He can ask Cottle for another jar of your prescription."

"_Yes_. Yes, I'll do that," he nodded. "I've been meaning to ask him all week as it happens. It's just so hard to talk to him these days. He's always busy with something. I worry about him, you know..."

Caprica yawned. "Poor Gaeta," she remarked blandly. "He gets so _serious_ over everything. But he means well. He's trying to save the human race. Just like we are."

Gaius rolled his eyes. He was so sick of her delusions. He had come to loathe that singsong voice she used whenever she wanted him to remember that she had come to this planet on a divine loving purpose. When Caprica spoke this way her voice always sounded like a plea. She didn't want him to point out that her cause was failing miserably. She didn't wish to acknowledge the truth.

It was the same when Caprica talked about Felix. She did her best to appear accepting of him. She said that Felix was _sweet_ and _helpful_ and she was glad that Gaius had such a good friend. For the most part she treated Felix like a novelty; a little toy that she allowed Gaius to keep around his office, a comfort that could easily be taken away if he displeased her.

"The Cavils think we need to monitor Gaeta more closely," Caprica continued, a hint of threat creeping into her voice. "He's so restless. We've tried to curtail his duties, but he still always seems to be_ doing_ something." She yawned again. "They sent one of the Eights to visit him in his tent a few nights ago..."

Gaius frowned. "An Eight? You mean Boomer."

"No, not her...Boomer still isn't comfortable around her old crewmates, especially those who witnessed her shooting the commander. No, it's one of the Eights that works for the justice ministry. Gaeta has been snooping around the detention centre for weeks now; trying to find out who is being held there, asking after people who have gone missing. Of course, we can't give him clearance. Many of our prisoners are ex-military. He would want to get them released and we can't afford to free terrorists, Gaius."

"Then what's the point of this Eight paying him visits?"

Caprica shrugged. "It keeps the situation under control. We can let Gaeta believe that he is helping them when really he is helping us. We want to keep him on our side, Gaius. You're right. He is very useful. Once the insurgency has died down I'm sure he'll feel less conflicted in his loyalties. We just need to give him a little hope."

"_False_ hope, you mean...how charitable of you."

"Well, that isn't the only reason," she added playfully. "Personally I think Gaeta would feel happier if he had a companion. He's jealous of the connection we share, have you noticed Gaius? I feel sorry for him. He works too hard and he's so lonely. Maybe the Eight could help him to relax every once in a while?"

Gaius narrowed his eyes. "I'm not so sure she's his _type__."_

Her lips hitched in a smirk. "Well, I suggested they might send a Leoben or a Doral. But Gaeta only seems comfortable around the Sharons. I guess because he trusted the Eight models that he knew on Galactica."

Gaius shook his head, taking another slug of ambrosia. Caprica's transparent attempts to keep her competition busy were so childish and embarrassing. But what made him more nervous was this Eight and how she intended to use Felix. He opened his mouth to question the matter further, but Caprica hushed him with a stern glance.

"Don't worry about Gaeta," she said.

Gaius nodded weakly, realising this was a command, not any form of comfort. Caprica didn't want him thinking or feeling too much in regards to Felix. As she often told him, she had given up _a lot_ to be with him. She couldn't accept any rivals to her affections. She expected Gaius to pretend that Felix wasn't on his mind. She wouldn't tolerate Felix having a place in his heart. His heart belonged to her and she could rip it out of his chest if she needed to.

The trouble was after this conversation Gaius was even more concerned for Felix. Caprica rolled onto her stomach, hiding her face in the pillow. She was determined to sleep through this nightmare and only wake when it was over. Gaius wished that he could lie down beside her, but the dictates of his conscience wouldn't allow it. Most days he tried not to think of that detention centre or the terrible things he suspected were happening within its walls. It sickened him to think the cylons might use Felix to aid their penal system while making him believe he was saving the human inmates. _Gods_, was that really what Caprica was suggesting? Were they brainwashing Felix? Were they abusing his trust and hopes so abhorrently?

Gaius swung his legs over the side of the mattress. He hunched over his knees, rubbing his forehead. He forced himself to swallow the rest of the ambrosia and smoke two more cigarettes. He glanced over his shoulder at Caprica. Yes, she was sleeping now. She looked beautiful when she slept; this woman who he had loved, this woman who had ruined his life and destroyed his home world twice over. Yet there was part of Gaius that still loved her even now. In spite of everything Gaius had to wonder if Felix felt the same way about him.

A _noise_. A shuffle of footsteps over his office floor.

Gaius frowned, rising from the bed. It was long after midnight. An intruder in the _Colonial One_ at this time was most likely to be an assassin come to murder the President in his bed. Gaius was surprised how little he cared. He was too numb and weary to fear for his life. He crept to the edge of the doorway and peered into his office. He saw Felix stooping over his desk, searching through his drawers, silhouetted by the dull lamplight. He was dressed in a long black coat and a woollen black hat. His back was turned to the bed chamber.

"What are you doing here?" Gaius blurted. "Felix, it's the middle of the night..."

Felix flinched at his voice, hunching his shoulders. He still didn't turn.

"Gaius, I...I'm sorry..." he stammered, his breathing ragged, "I didn't mean to wake you. I couldn't sleep. I thought I'd catch up on some work. I just came to collect the new documents to take back to my tent."

"Right, I see..." said Gaius, stepping closer to Felix, perplexed by the tremor in his voice. He never usually sounded so shaken. "Well, since you_ are_ here...I think you should know I've run out of my pills again. I need you to go and see Cottle first thing tomorrow. Tell him I need another jar. These headaches are really becoming intolerable. I swear I won't get any sleep tonight with..._oh Gods_, Felix you're bleeding."

Gaius caught hold of his arm and Felix finally lifted his head. A long streak of blood ran down from his temples, over his cheek and neck, until it soaked into his shirt collar. His face was pale and clammy. Gaius gently teased away his hat and tilted his head to the side. There was a shallow gash in his scalp, hidden by a cluster of thick dark curls. Dry blood had coated one of his ears.

"Felix, what happened?" he asked firmly.

"It's nothing. I'm fine..." He tried to pull away, but Gaius tightened his hold on his arm. Felix sighed, his eyes falling closed. "Someone threw glass at me."

"Sit down," he instructed.

Gaius led Felix over to the couch and then quickly returned to his desk, searching for the med kit. When he found the little green box he rushed back to Felix's side, took a wad of cotton wool and soaked it in surgical spirit. He gingerly reached out and took Felix by the chin, pressing the cotton against his head and cleaning the last shards of glass from his wound. Felix held himself still, wincing and squeezing his eyes shut. Gaius could have offered him a stiff drink to soothe the pain if it weren't for his own dependency; his need to hoard all the booze for himself. Instead Gaius just tried to be delicate in his nursing. He took his time cleaning each trail of blood away from his skin. Privately he was grateful for this opportunity to touch Felix again. It had been months since they had touched.

"What were you doing out walking after midnight?" Gaius asked him.

"I couldn't sleep," Felix repeated. "I just...I needed some air."

"Well, it's hours after curfew. What if the Centurions had seen you?"

"I was careful. I cut through the camp. I kept away from their patrol areas. I was just heading over here to collect my paperwork and..." He blinked, remembering. "There were a group of civilians, drinking in the entrance to their tent. One of them threw a bottle at me. It smashed close to my head."

Gaius frowned at his use of the term _'civilians'_. Felix still looked pale and dizzied. It seemed the shock of this head injury had caused him to slip back into a military mindset. Gaius wondered if he should read anything more into that.

"Who were they?" he probed further. "Did you recognise any of them?"

Felix turned and glared at him in defiance. "I'm not giving you any names, Gaius. I'm not helping you to put any more of our people in detention."

"Okay, okay!" he flustered. "Keep your head still. Listen, I didn't mean it like that. I don't like what is happened to our people any more than you do. But you have to admit these insurgents are going too far. All these hateful violent attacks. It's not an acceptable form of retaliation. And where does it stop?"

Felix shrugged, not seeming to care where the rebel forces drew the line.

Gaius continued, his anxiety growing. "Today it's a glass bottle, tomorrow it'll be a tillium bomb…what if you had been seriously hurt? What if they had beaten you up? What if you had been kidnapped?! Felix, you understand that if you get kidnapped by insurgents there won't be anything I can do to help you. The cylons wouldn't allow me to provide any ransom or rescue for you."

Felix rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to get kidnapped by the resistance, Gaius," he said dismissively. "Why would they do that? I'm out there every day trying to help the human population. I still speak to those people out there. They might not like that I work for you, but…they know I'm doing what I can."

Gaius swallowed, feeling a little envious that Felix still had some measure of freedom. He could still walk down the streets of New Caprica and speak with the people of their settlement. He didn't have to hide up here in the _Colonial One_; away from the sunlight and the air, away from the threat of assassination from his own race.

"They probably mistook me for a cylon," Felix reasoned, defending the rabble who had assaulted him. "They were probably just drunk and upset. I don't blame them for feeling that way."

"I understand," said Gaius. "Just be careful, okay? I worry about you. I hate to think of you being attacked because of your service to this administration. People…people are so angry these days…"

Gaius sighed and fell silent. He parted Felix's hair and inspected his wound. It wasn't deep and it had stopped bleeding now. Gaius resisted the temptation to stroke his fingers through his curls, letting his hands fall from Felix's face and then packing the cotton and spirits back into the med kit.

Gaius stared down at the blood staining his fingernails. Truly, it worried him. He honestly wanted to protect his people from this terrible situation and protect Felix too. He wanted to be the hero somehow. He was just so_ bad_ at it. He couldn't figure out a way to make things better. There was much he was prepared to sacrifice. He could be the cylon's puppet; their punching bag, their whore. He could cooperate with them; pacify them. He could take the degradation. He could imagine himself as the last human shield that stood between the cylon occupying forces and the people of the twelve colonies. But for all his agonising he was doing nothing to help. Gaius only had to look in Felix's eyes to see how far he had fallen from the word _'hero'_.

Gaius realised he didn't wish to drag Felix down with him. He might be sullied by his sins and failings, but Felix still had a chance to stay pure. He suddenly remembered his talk with Caprica about the Eight. He needed to warn his friend not to trust her. But first Gaius needed to convince Felix he could still trust him.

"It'll get better soon," said Gaius reassuringly, trying to breathe some warmth back into their conversation. "There's hope for New Caprica yet, Felix. The human police are having their graduation tomorrow night. That'll make a big difference, I think."

Gaius tried to offer him an encouraging smile, but suddenly there was a flash of emotion over Felix's face; a look that resembled guilt. His skin was turning pale again.

"You'll be attending the graduation ceremony, won't you Mr President?"

Gaius frowned at the stiffness of his tone and the sudden formality of this address.

"Yes...I suppose I'm expected to be there. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing," said Felix, no longer meeting his eyes. "I was just doing the paperwork for the graduation this morning. I wanted to make sure that the staff have all the correct information."

Gaius felt his chest constricting. A shiver passed over his skin. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. There was something disingenuous in Felix's tone that made his blood run cold. Why should this detail of his attendance be so important to Felix's ever efficient documentation? Why should he look so worried over it?

"I think you fuss too much over paperwork," Gaius muttered, his brain throbbing with new paranoia and suspicions. "You spend so much time typing and copying. Is it really necessary for you to be slaving over the ministry files? Why don't you leave it to the secretaries? You might concentrate on your work in the community…"

Felix's cheeks flushed and a hint of panic crept into his stare.

"Gaius…I _have_ to keep up with the paperwork. It's just one of many tedious jobs that I do for you. Half the ministry staff have been fired or locked up since the occupation began. The ones we have left have restricted access to government files. So yes, I'm spreading myself a little thin. But I'm doing the best that I can here."

"Okay Felix. I didn't mean to accuse you of anything."

Gaius kept his tone sincere and trusting, but at the back of his mind he had already decided that he would look for some excuse not to attend that graduation. Felix forced a smile which Gaius found more unsettling than his scowls.

"I'm sorry for getting angry, sir. I'm just tired and over-worked. I'm worried about the unrest in the camp, the conditions, the disappearances...it's hard trying to help everyone at once. My first duty has to be to the people."

Gaius sighed, realising. It seemed Felix had finally decided where to place his loyalties. He could imagine the real purpose behind these walks after midnight. In all fairness Felix had made the right choice; the honourable choice. He knew how to be the hero better than Gaius did. He was clever enough to play both sides and decisive enough to know what needed to be done for the greater good. Yet Gaius still felt the sting of betrayal hanging in the air between them.

"Of course, Mr Gaeta," he said solemnly. "Our people must come first."

"I'll get your pills for you tomorrow, sir," Felix added, as if he wanted to reaffirm his obedience and servitude. As if he had wanted to do something nice for Gaius before he exposed him to a possible assassination.

"Yes, thank you. And listen, I think you had better stay here for the night. You still look very pale. I don't like the thought of you fainting on the way back to your tent. I'll find you a blanket. You can sleep on the couch."

Felix nodded, careful not to disagree with him. Gaius began to realise that Caprica was right. They would need to monitor Felix closely from now on. What was it that Laura Roslin had once said to him? _Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer._ She had called it the first rule of politics. Surely Roslin had this little tactic in mind during the time when he had served as her Vice President. Gaius decided that he should employ it now with his Chief of Staff. He would keep him close. He would keep an eye on him. And Felix could carry on feeding his little titbits of information to the resistance...but only because Gaius allowed him to do it.

"Try to get some rest," said Gaius, rising to leave. "I know you probably think I'm being over dramatic, but I can't help but feel protective of you…we've been through so much together, old friend."

Gaius watched closely and he saw it again; the look of guilt in Felix's eyes. He couldn't help wondering how much that guilt would grow if he were to tell Felix about the Eight. Gaius decided he would let his clever little aide work that one out for himself. He knew it didn't make a blind bit of difference whether he or Felix helped the cylons or not. If the cylons wanted to harm the human population then they would do it and there wasn't anything that could be done to stop them. They were helpless. They were defeated. This planet was no place for heroes.

But it didn't stop them from feeling guilty. Gaius felt himself retreating back into his selfish shell. He wouldn't be on anyone's side. He wouldn't share any of his secrets. He didn't care to relieve Felix of his guilt anymore.

Their guilt might be the one thing they still shared.

_To be Continued..._


	7. Awaiting the Verdict

**Synopsis: **Romo Lampkin takes the opportunity to question Gaius over his relationship with Felix.

**Characters:** Baltar, Romo, Apollo, mentions of Gaeta and Caprica.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Beta:** Thanks once again to **lls_mutant **for her most valued advice.

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**7. Awaiting the Verdict**

The court had been adjourned for over an hour now. Gaius sat in the Major's quarters, waiting to be called back in for the verdict, wondering what sort of judgement could be reached after such a pantomime trial. He was still feeling a little hysterical over the proceedings. There were moments during the testimonies when he had been tempted to laugh out loud. But now his thoughts were mostly occupied with fears of death and how quickly it would come if the jury declared him _guilty._

Lee Adama sat on the far side of the room, his palm pressed over his mouth and a dazed look in his eyes. He still appeared to be reeling from the speech that had poured from his lips; the speech that had exposed their legal system as a sham. Much closer to Gaius, Romo Lampkin sat slouching in an armchair. His dark glasses were back in place over his eyes. He was smoking a cigar while his other hand dipped down to stroke the cat, Lance, who sat purring beside his wounded leg.

Lee rose to his feet, waving his hand vaguely in the direction of the door.

"I'll be back in a…" he faltered, "I just have to…"

He dispensed with excuses and simply stepped outside of the room.

As the hatch closed, Romo twisted his neck and smirked at Gaius. The lawyer had been mercifully silent for the last hour. Gaius imagined he had been replaying the _glory_ of his oddball defence in his mind. Yet Romo seemed to view Lee's absence as an opportunity; one that he had eagerly been awaiting.

He stubbed out his cigar and laced his fingers over his chest.

"It would appear that we still have some time to kill, Doctor," he said, not choosing his words too delicately. "So how about you tell me what the story is with you and your Mr Gaeta?"

Gaius closed his eyes and shuddered at the name. Memories of Felix came rushing into his mind unbidden, invading his thoughts like terrorist soldiers. Gaius recalled their last desperate days on New Caprica; the morning after the suicide bombing when Felix had looked so sick with guilt that he hadn't raised his head from his desk. He had sat for hours with a copy of his census, slowly scratching off the names of the human police killed in the blast with a trembling hand.

A few days later it had been more names - two hundred names - on a death warrant signed by his president. Gaius knew how the cylons had acquired the names for that list. He knew what the Eight had done. But Felix had been in denial and hysterical at the thought of removing even one more name from their records. Gaius had watched him dashing out of the _Colonial One_ and had murmured a silent prayer for Felix to deliver the list to the resistance forces in time.

Gaius had been too distraught to do anything himself. He hadn't had the will to move until Felix had returned to him; brandishing a gun in his hand and ordering him to put things right on pain of death.

"What exactly was your relationship with the young lieutenant?" Romo prompted, breaking into his thoughts, leaning closer in his chair and peering over the rim of his glasses.

Gaius sighed, pinching his temples. "I already told you. He served as my lab assistant here on the Galactica in the months following the attacks on the Colonies. He helped me with my work on the cylon detector. Over time we became friends. I found him to be very bright and capable so I when was elected President I offered him a job as my Chief of Staff. Well, naturally our personal and working relationship became a little strained during the cylon occupation..."

Romo raised his eyebrows. "_Only_ during the occupation? Are you sure there wasn't any lingering resentment before the cylons landed? Forgive me for saying so, Doctor, but right from the moment you announced yourself as a candidate for the leadership, I had thought you would make a horrible President."

"Oh thank you," he muttered. "So you voted for Laura Roslin, did you?"

"I didn't vote," said Romo with a shrug. "My business is in weighing up the opposing factions, not in casting the final verdict. When I decided to leave my ship and join you down on that tentative little settlement, _believe me_…it wasn't because I had any faith in you as a leader. But I can still remember your right hand man, Mr Baltar. He was always busying around the camp, trying to hold our fragile civilisation together. He struck me as a very gifted and dedicated lad, that Mr Gaeta. I thought if anyone stood a chance of making something of that poxy little planet, it was him…"

Romo shook his head solemnly and then frowned at Gaius.

"So what did you do to him?" he asked.

Gaius blinked in confusion. "_Do_? What do you mean?"

"What did you do to drive him crazy?"

He scowled at the accusation. "I didn't_ do_ anything!" he objected. "You can't blame me for the lies he told in that courtroom. That wasn't the Felix Gaeta I knew. I barely recognised him. He used to be an honest man. He was the first man who told me the truth about my failings. You know, there was a time when I would have _let _him be my executioner. There was a time when he would have been quite justified and I would have considered it a mercy. But he relented. He gave me a chance to put things right." Gaius shook his head in hurt and confusion. "Why _now_? Why would he do this to me now? Why would he suddenly try to snatch it all away?"

"Something changed in him?" Romo suggested.

"_They_ did it," Gaius accused. "_They_ changed him. I could see it when they sent him into my cell to question me. I could see that he had been fashioned into a little tool of their interrogation. Another piece of torture equipment! I'll bet they were the ones who put him up to this lie. They turned him against me."

Romo quirked a smile. "By _they_ I take it that you mean President Roslin and Admiral Adama? The leaders of our emerging aristocracy?"

"Well, of course. They'd do anything to spite me."

"In all fairness Doctor, _they_ weren't the ones who made Mr Gaeta stab you with a pen. What did you whisper to him? I'm close to using a cat metaphor here. The curiosity is killing me. What did you say to make him crazy?"

"Oh, will you stop saying that! He's not crazy. A little corrupted maybe, but not crazy." He frowned. "What makes you say that he's crazy?"

Romo sighed at length, reclining in his armchair. The cat Lance purred and nuzzled against his limp hand, stroking his tail back and forth across his ankle.

"In my experience there are two types of perjurer, Mr Baltar. There are the common kind who'll craft their lies before the trial, intent on perverting justice and holding the courtroom in contempt. I can see them coming a mile off and I do my best to expose them for the frauds they are. But there's a second sort who are harder to predict and unravel. This type of perjurer doesn't necessarily choose to tell lies. Rather they force themselves to believe in a different version of the truth. I never would have suspected we'd have any trouble with Gaeta's testimony. His record shows him to be a man devoted to rules and law. Once I got a closer look at him, I could see he was one of those _believers_, rather than a liar. If he says that you signed the death list without protest, then that memory is real to him. It has to be real. He needs to believe it. Otherwise he would have to believe some other truth that his mind can't handle; a truth he buries deep. The shrinks call it repressed memory syndrome."

Gaius thought once again of the Eight on New Caprica; the Eight that he could have warned Felix about if he hadn't been so eager for him to share in his nightmare. Gaius thought of the lists Felix had scribbled out so desperately to save human lives only to see those same names scratched away one by one. All those unspeakable losses and a dawning truth that Felix needed to hide even from himself. Romo's speculations were dancing so close to the truth now yet Gaius couldn't bring himself to give up Felix's secret. He knew he hadn't intended it. Conspiracy requires intent and Felix had never wanted to hurt anyone when he gave his Eight those lists, just like Gaius had never wanted to hurt anyone when he gave his Six the access codes. There are some secrets that are too dark and terrible ever to be spoken aloud.

"That Mr Gaeta is a man on the verge if ever I saw one," said Romo, continuing in his diagnosis. "Highly disturbed. Remind me to write a letter to the Admiral when this is all over. I think it's very risky of him to be keeping an officer so unstable in such a vital position of the military. Sooner or later, Gaeta's going to snap. One day he might just walk into the CIC with a sidearm and start shooting the place up."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous," Gaius snorted. "If he's so psychologically frail then why didn't you question him? Couldn't you have broken him?!"

"I dare say I could have," Romo remarked. "In fact, I'm almost certain of it. Yes, I could have plucked that boy's bleeding heart out of his chest and thrown it down on the courtroom floor for all to see. I mean, we had already taken such cruel pleasure exposing the return of Roslin's terminal illness and the Colonel's crime of killing his beloved wife. Why stop just when were on a roll? Yes, I could have broken Gaeta. I could have destroyed his testimony, exposed him as a perjurer, humiliated him and ruined his career; maybe even earned him tidy little prison sentence of his own for obstruction of justice. I could have. But I didn't wish to do that, Doctor Baltar. Yes, there are some people in that court who you never did any wrong and they still want to see your head served up on a plate. I can see there are many hurts and betrayals that you should not be held responsible for. But Gaeta? Gaeta I think you deserved."

"Oh, that's just _great_!" Gaius spluttered. "So now my own attorney thinks it's fair for me to be convicted over a piece of delusional, fabricated, slanderous…"

"I didn't say it was fair, Doctor. I said _deserved_. Hardly the same thing."

"Actually Mr Lampkin, I think you'll find those words mean _exactly_ the same thing," said Gaius, getting a little exasperated with his lawyer's pretentiousness. "And I for one don't think I deserve to be found guilty and executed based on…"

"You're not going to be found guilty," Romo interrupted.

"Oh,_ really_. And how do you know that?"

He smiled again. "Just a funny tingling in my toes…"

"_Well_…whatever my sentence, would you please explain to me why you think my case should deserve such a low blow from Felix Gaeta?"

"That's the part I've been waiting for you to tell me."

Romo flashed him a knowing look. He gave Gaius one last chance to come clean on his own. When he failed to answer, Romo exhaled and hunched forward in his chair. He removed his shades and placed them on the table before them.

"I know the look of a scorned lover, Mr Baltar," he said, his eyes sincere. "I was one myself for many unhappy years. I could read it all over his face. He thought he was masking it well but it was there for all to see. It was the same look that I saw in your cylon girlfriend when I visited her in the brig."

Gaius winced at the mention of Caprica, but he still didn't speak.

"For the record, Doctor, I don't think you deserve to be condemned for these supposed crimes against our race," Romo consoled. "But when it comes to injuries of the heart? _There_ I think you have many victims and you're as guilty as all hell."

Gaius flinched. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but he had no line of defence. He couldn't even say he had never intended to hurt them. He knew that he could be selfish, cruel and wanton in his desires. He knew he had encouraged them to love him only so he could use them, take pleasure in them and enjoy all the flattery and comfort of having them adore him. He knew he had carelessly let their hearts break over him. He had never really tried to pick up the pieces.

"Yes," Gaius nodded weakly. "Guilty as charged, Mr Lampkin."

Romo sat back in his chair. He didn't gloat. He seemed satisfied enough with this confession and wasn't interested in belabouring his case any further.

"Might I make a suggestion, Doctor?" he said.

Gaius nodded again, knowing that this advice would be the sentence following the verdict; his punishment for these crimes against the heart.

"Once you are acquitted…when you leave that cell to start your new life…I don't think you should ever speak with Mr Gaeta after this day."

He swallowed. "What?"

"I mean it, Doctor," he said. "Never cross his path in the hall, never darken his doorway again. I'm sure you'll forget him soon enough, but it'll take him longer to move on. You'll be the angry cat that he carries around in his suitcase. One day the hissing and scratching might stop for him. Maybe it'll never stop at all. But you ought to give him a chance. If you ever cared about him, if you were ever truly his friend, then I'd say you should leave him well alone."

Gaius wanted to protest. This penalty seemed too severe. It was a life sentence. It was the termination of the one true friendship he had known in this fleet. Even after all that had happened part of Gaius still hoped he and Felix might be friends again some day. But Romo was right. This was what he deserved.

"Alright," he answered. "I'll leave him alone."

"Wise choice," said Romo, placing his shades back over his eyes. "Really, I think it's the best choice for all of us. I dare say that if you two ever sit down in the same room again, we'll know our world is coming to its end."

_TBC..._


	8. Voices in the Mind

**Synopsis: **When Jeanne tells Gaius of Felix's injury he feels compelled to visit him in sickbay.

**Characters:** Baltar, Jeanne, Cottle, Anders, Roslin and Gaeta.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Beta**: All my thanks to **lls_mutant **and **brennanspeaks**.

* * *

**8. Voices in the Mind**

Gaius stumbled over the carpet, looking for his shoes. He hissed as his leg bumped against one of the low shrines, spattering his feet with candle wax and the hot ash of incense sticks. He struggled not to curse and continued in his search. Gaius realised that he hadn't really dressed himself in weeks. Most days he just lazed around in his dressing gown, his sandals and a pair of loose fitting trousers. There seemed little need for formality when he was living his life between his bed and the wireless radio. When he desired to leave the commune (either for a purpose or for a brief escape from the lunacy) he could never seem to find his shoes. It was hard finding anything in the gloom of the storage bay, illuminated only by string lights and dull candles, misted by the smoke that drifted over from the cooking pots.

"Over here, Gaius!" said a zealous voice in his ear.

Gaius turned to see Jeanne standing inches behind him. She had been following him like a shadow ever since she had returned from sickbay with her news. Now she was pointing him towards a corner where a pair of black leather shoes were sitting on a cushion surrounded by statues like they were some sort of holy relic.

"Thank you," he said, carefully hiding his nausea. He sat down on the rug, slipping his shoes onto his feet and lacing them up tight. Jeanne was still hovering over him, watching his every movement with her goggling eyes.

"Are you sure it was him?" Gaius asked her.

Jeanne nodded rapidly, her stare growing even wider.

"I'm sure, Gaius!" she affirmed. "I was just taking Derrick to see the doctors for his check up when those big doors swung open and they were wheeling somebody into the emergency room. I couldn't see who it was at first. There were so many medics crowding around. Then I heard one of them say _'Lieutenant Gaeta'_. I'm sure that's who they said, Gaius. They took him behind a curtain and brought over a tray with knives and saws on it. They were cutting off his leg!"

Gaius winced, his stomach clenching and his fingers trembling over his laces. He couldn't think why he was so anxious. What was Lieutenant Gaeta to him now? He hadn't seen or heard anything of Felix since the trial. With no glimpses of him around the ship Gaius had surmised that he was among the officers assigned to the top secret Demetrius mission. He had put Felix out of his mind for the last few months. He hadn't been prepared for this sudden news of his injury.

"I…I must go to him," said Gaius, surprised by the stirring devotion in his voice. He hurried over to their washing lines. "Where are my shirts, Jeanne? These are all women's shirts! I need something to wear."

"Lilly cleaned them yesterday," said Jeanne, guiding him over to the laundry baskets. "They are all neat and folded for you here."

Gaius cringed with embarrassment. He knew he should tell the older women in his cult that they didn't need to mother him. Often it seemed easier to let them take care of his chores if it kept them happy. If they thought that washing his dirty underwear brought them closer to the One True God then why should he prevent them? Gaius shook his head as he stood buttoning his shirt. He really had become the King of Fools in the months he had been living in this commune.

Jeanne still lingered by his side, her face bright and wondering.

"Do you think this is God's judgement on him?" she asked.

Gaius lifted up his head, squinting at her. "What?"

"Maybe God is punishing him for his sins?" she said, a quiver of excitement in her voice. "For the lies he told about you in court and the time he stabbed you with a pen. Maybe he's suffering for his betrayals against you?"

Gaius frowned. For all their outward sweetness these women took a worrying degree of pleasure in the prospect of God smiting their enemies. He liked to think of himself as a magnanimous leader but he was often reminded that the people in his flock were just as petty and vengeful as anyone else in the fleet.

"He's a traitor, Gaius," Jeanne asserted righteously.

"Don't say that!" he snapped at her, his voice hitching over the lump in his throat. He took a calming breath. "Please don't call him that again. You don't know him."

Jeanne stepped back from him, her cheeks flushing like a scolded child. She clasped the amulet she wore around her neck, already looking penitent. He didn't bother to hide his disappointment.

"The man's been wounded..." Gaius continued plaintively. "He's probably fighting for his life up in that sickbay. There's no need for all this silly talk of judgement…"

"I…I'm sorry, Gaius," she said meekly. "I forgot. We are all perfect in God's love. I suppose that something in the universe must love that man despite the wrongs he has done to you." She closed her eyes and sighed, making herself look martyred. "I too must try to forgive him for his evil deeds."

"Yes, you do that, Jeanne," he muttered.

Gaius pulled on his coat, preparing to leave. She clasped his sleeve.

"Should we pray for him, Gaius?" she suggested, eager to make amends. "Maybe if we prayed for him then God would grant us another miracle like he did for Derrick? Maybe God would show him mercy and heal him?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes well, _unfortunately_ Jeanne I've never known of any God or Gods who were prepared to help an amputee grow back their limbs. It's funny that, isn't it? Almost like God can't really help us at all…"

Jeanne's eyes went wide again; her faith shaken by his harsh words. For a moment Gaius thought that she might slap him in the face and accuse him of blasphemy. Instead she chewed her lip, tears threatening in her eyes.

"No, I'm sorry," said Gaius, catching himself. "Look, I didn't mean that. I'm just a little upset." He treated Jeanne to a quick nervous hug, pressing his arms lightly around her tensed shoulders. "_Of course_ you should pray for him. Please ask that God relieves him of his pain and forgives him for his failings…as he has done for me."

"I will," she said, nodding piously. "I just don't know how you can be so generous in your love for that man, Gaius. He tried to _kill_ you."

Gaius sighed. "He was the only true friend I ever had in this fleet."

Before Jeanne could prattle on any longer Gaius turned and marched from the storage bay. His followers watched him intently as he crossed the room and climbed up the stairs. A few of them rose to their feet, wanting to accompany him and protect him from harm on his excursion. Gaius raised his hand, signalling them to sit back down. He didn't want an entourage just now. He glanced from side to side, taking in their stares as he left. It was like walking through a hall of mirrors. Their soft young faces reflected how enamoured they were with him, how much faith they had in him...

Gaius swallowed and hurried away. He left his new following to see what had become of the first person who had loved and believed in him.

As he raised the hood of his coat and made his way through the ship, Gaius began to feel uncertain of his intentions. He knew that he had changed since the trial. He wanted Felix of all people to see the change in him. He didn't wish to dwell on their past transgressions any longer. He wanted them to clasp hands, to shed tears and forgive each other. He had felt the same when he had visited Galen Tyrol only a few days earlier. If he could offer that man comfort and solidarity after the death of his wife then surely there was hope he could reach out to Felix too.

Still, Gaius couldn't help thinking of Romo's warning. That final day of the trial he had agreed to exile himself from Felix's company. Truly he didn't wish to cause him any more pain. Gaius tried to listen to the dictates of his conscience. There was a small voice at the back of his mind urging him to return to the commune, to stay out of this man's life. Yet still he kept walking. A greater force of will was keeping him on this path. He wasn't sure what it was yet, but he had to obey it.

Gaius took a breath as he turned the last bend of the corridor and approached the wide white doors of the sickbay. Before he could get any closer the doors swung open and Sam Anders barged out into the hall. The young pilot looked tense and frustrated. His breath came out in sharp hisses. He kicked the wall.

"_Frak_!" he cursed to himself. "So stupid..."

Anders hissed again, wincing and peering down at the toe he had likely just stubbed against the hard metal hull. He raised his head and noticed Gaius blinking at him in confusion. He cringed back from his scrutiny and staggered away down the corridor. Gaius shook his head and thought no more of the encounter. He pushed through the doors.

Cottle was seated behind a desk close by the entrance. The old doctor was looking grumpier than usual. He was smoking a cigarette and thumbing through the pages of a clipboard whilst rubbing his temples. As Gaius came little nearer, he noticed a pair of bloodied latex gloves in the bin beside his feet.

Before Gaius could speak a word, Cottle rose to his feet, blocking his path.

"Get out of my infirmary," the doctor said coolly.

"Doctor Cottle," Gaius began. "I've come to check on an old friend and colleague of mine. Felix Gaeta. It's still visiting hours till 1900 hours I believe."

"Not for you, it isn't!" Cottle told him sternly. "You're not seeing him. In case you've forgotten, Mr Baltar, I was watching on those security cameras the last time that you two _friends_ were in close confines together."

Gaius frowned at the insinuation. Just like the lawyer, Cottle seemed to think that chaos would erupt if he and Felix were allowed to share the same space.

"My people will be offering prayers for Mr Gaeta this evening," Gaius persisted. "I should think we'll be broadcasting our well wishes over the wireless. Could you see that he hears it? I have hopes that it may comfort him."

Cottle narrowed his stare. "Mr Baltar, I'll admit your sermons have given peace to some of my patients in their worst days, but you'll find that even in these desperate times we still have a few hardened atheists around here. You might fancy yourself a spiritual healer, but I've got patients on this ward who would trade in all their idols and prayer books for one good strong dose of morpha."

Gaius deflated, his shoulders falling. He knew that Cottle was right and Felix would find his conversion ridiculous. They had been scientists together; men of scepticism and reason. In the earliest days of their friendship Gaius could remember openly mocking religion and other superstitious beliefs while Felix hung off his every word and nodded in agreement. Faith had been useless to them then.

"Will you at least tell me his condition?" Gaius asked at last.

"We took the leg as soon as they brought him in," Cottle informed him tersely. "Cut it off just below his knee. He's in recovery now, but I still can't rule out infection. You know that his crewmates left him for twenty hours on that damned sewage ship before bringing him to me? Don't ask me why. Classified mission status, they tell me. But the poor kid's in a world of pain. Still, he's young and he's strong. If he can ride out the fever and the trauma, then he should be okay…"

"Trauma?" Gaius asked hesitantly.

Before either of them could speak again, another voice came drifting over the sickbay, a voice that ghosted and echoed over the walls, raising goosebumps on Gaius's skin. He looked around at the curtained cubicles. Somebody was singing behind one of the plastic drapes. Singing gloriously as it happened. It only took Gaius another moment to realise who the voice belonged to.

Yes, he still remembered the sound of Felix's voice, but he had never heard it like this before. He never could have imagined it, never realised...though his Six had once told him he would find a secret beauty in his lab assistant.

Cottle sighed. "He started doing that during the operation."

Gaius was too enchanted at first to take in the doctor's words and their implications. When they finally took root he looked at Cottle in alarm.

"_In_ the operation?!" he spluttered. "Do you mean to say that he was _awake_ when you amputated? Doctor, how could you let him be awake?!"

"He asked me," said Cottle, not standing for this reproach. "I respect my patient's wishes where I can. Kid said he didn't want to wake up with his leg gone." He shrugged. "Guess he couldn't bear to sleep through the loss."

Gaius stood in a daze. He was still listening to Felix's song. The more he heard the more Gaius began to feel like he was the one waking up and finding that something precious to him had been lost. The phantom of their friendship hung in the air. Gaius could still feel it, but he could no longer touch. It was no longer there.

"_Please_," he implored. "Please let me see him…"

Cottle exhaled and stubbed out his cigarette.

"I'll give you two minutes. You're to stay behind the curtain, you hear? I don't want him knowing that you're there. Don't delude yourself into thinking he'd be pleased to see you. And I'll be watching from behind this desk. If I see you getting any closer to him, it's my pen that'll be buried in your neck."

Gaius swallowed and nodded. For a moment he paused, wondering if his visit had become pointless. He had come all this way and now Felix wouldn't even know he was there. But there was still the tight feeling in his stomach; a feeling like _guilt _even though Gaius wasn't to blame for his injury. He wasn't responsible for this man, so why had he felt so compelled to come here? Gaius didn't think he would know for sure until he saw him.

He made his way across the sickbay, passing by the bed where Laura Roslin was resting. He thought she might be asleep at first. Then he caught the faint smile on her lips and he realised that she was listening to the singing too. Gaius wondered how this lament sounded to her ears. He couldn't help thinking that if all the lies and secrets and hypocrisies of her administration were ripped open then this was the voice that would come pouring out. A human voice wrung through with pain.

Gaius came to the curtains. He found himself a place to stand out of sight and then peered through the gap. He saw Felix lying in the bed; what was left of him at least. For a moment Gaius couldn't tear his eyes away from the bandaged stump where his leg had once been. But it wasn't just that. Felix was missing his uniform too. The thin papery hospital gown didn't seem like enough to cover his body. The plastic tubing in his nose didn't seem like it would keep him breathing. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, his forehead bathed in sweat. He looked like Derrick at the height of his fever. If he could have touched him, Gaius thought he would have placed a hand on his brow and whispered the same prayer.

Felix began his song once more, his voice rising to the ceiling, twisting in the air, spiralling up to the heavens. His voice was blessed. Gaius felt hallowed by it. He closed his eyes and he felt himself stepping inside the Opera House again. He was walking up the aisle with his Six by his side and their child in his arms. Gaius had visited the Opera House many times in his thoughts since Six had revealed it to him on Kobol. It was the most sacred place that he knew. It was a temple of notes, ripples and harmonies. And for the first time, it had a singer.

Gaius could see Felix on the stage, dressed in a suit with long black tails. He was singing all alone in a place where only Gaius and the angels could hear him. He sang his lament over and over, trying to bring an end to a long dark act. Gaius couldn't imagine what was coming for Felix. He had never seen his friend in the spotlight before. He looked sick and daunted as he stood before the many chairs and balconies. But he wouldn't stop singing until it was over.

Gaius felt the tears slipping down his cheeks as his voice began to fade. The lights were dimming now too. The walls did not seem so golden. The stage was covered with blood red roses. Gaius watched as the curtain descended on Felix. He knew the moment it fell he would never see his face again or hear his voice...

All went quiet and the vision slipped away. Gaius was left clutching at the plastic curtain. He blinked his eyes and saw that Felix had fallen asleep. The ward was silent now but for the bleep of the support machines, the muffled coughing of patients in nearby beds and the squeak of shoes across the floor. The ward felt terribly empty to Gaius without the singing, though he was relieved to see Felix resting, free from his pain. Yet as Gaius walked away from his bed the tears were still dripping from his chin, because he finally knew why he had come here…he knew it for certain…

Something in the universe loved Felix Gaeta.

It had taken so long for Gaius to realise it was him.

_TBC..._


	9. The Spoils of War

**Synopsis: **Gaius finally does something good for Felix.

**Characters:** Baltar, Gaeta, Hoshi and Six.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Beta**: All my thanks to **lls_mutant** and **brennanspeaks** and all the readers who have supported this fic.

**Quote:** _"They say it's the last song. They don't know us, you see. It's only the last song if we let it be." _Dancer in the Dark

* * *

**9. The Spoils of War**

They had the night. They had all the dark hours of that last long night. It was more time than Gaius had hoped to have with Felix again and yet their time together was held captive, so soon to be brutally ended.

Felix was under arrest in a set of officer's quarters, his execution scheduled for 0600 hours. Gaius had been granted his request to talk with the prisoner, but he had been scared of who he would find in that room. He feared his old friend might have been transformed into a lunatic or demon by the blazing fires of his mutiny. But the Felix who had greeted him was pleasant and tender, more so than he had been in years. His mood made sense when Gaius considered it. Felix's life had been so fraught and complicated, so suffocated by his pressures and burdens. His sentence had made his remaining hours so ridiculously simple for him. The weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was giddy with the fleeting sense of freedom. Felix no longer had to struggle to fix the world. He just needed to leave it.

Theirs was a conversation for the end of the world, the end of time. Gaius felt like it was the first genuine conversation he had experienced in months. They didn't talk about the revolution or New Caprica or the many betrayals that lay between them. Instead Gaius asked Felix about his childhood, his fondest memories and earliest dreams; things that he should have asked about long ago but was too selfish to inquire. The guards had furnished them with a tray of cigars and coffee laced with ambrosia. Gaius knew the tradition of the last meal and what it symbolised. To accept these offerings meant to make peace with the host; to take an oath of truce and forgive the executioner. Gaius had been prepared to rebel against it, but Felix encouraged him to share in his calm surrender. So they smoked and they drank together while they waited for the dawn. Felix didn't call it his last rites. He called it the spoils of war.

Gaius wanted time to leave them alone in that room while Felix was no longer glancing at his watch. In the end their only warning was a sudden clump of boots in the corridor outside. Their eyes met through the haze of smoke. They stubbed out their cigars. Gaius knew that if they had anything left to say to each other then it had to be now, but his throat was constricting. Felix only had one question.

"Are you going to be there?" he asked.

Gaius hesitated. He didn't know if it would be better to say_ yes_ or _no_. He feared that either answer might upset Felix. He heard the wheel being turned on the hatch door and he knew he had to tell him something.

"If you want…" he replied.

Felix made a slight movement with his head. It was so meek and subtle that Gaius couldn't be sure if it was a nod, but that didn't matter. Gaius knew that he was going to be there. He knew there would be many people standing witness to Felix's death. At least one of them should be a friend.

The hatch door opened and the guard stepped inside.

"Felix Gaeta," he said; a toneless summons.

Felix blinked at the sound of his name. He sat frowning for a moment and Gaius could see that Felix was now scratching his own name off that long list that he still kept in his mind. He could never make those lists disappear. It was better if _he_ disappeared and became one of them; one of the lost names.

Felix nodded obligingly to the guard. He reached for his crutch and hauled himself up from the table. Gaius looked down and noticed that the metal limb was missing from below his knee. Felix was struggling to balance.

"Wait," Gaius blurted, rising to his feet, his nerves kicking in. "Wait...he needs his leg. Felix, where is it? Where did you put your prosthetic?"

"It's fine," Felix dismissed. "I don't need it."

Gaius was still glancing around the room, desperate to find it for him.

"Wait," he repeated. "Just wait a moment…"

_Don't kill him_, he thought uselessly.

Gaius wanted to make some form of protest, even though he knew that it would do no good. He wanted a photo forgery that he could run security checks on and show to the Admiral, proving that Felix was not the man he thought he was. He wanted to do something. But God was offering no miracles this morning. Felix was already limping through the hatch. Gaius abandoned his search, slumping his shoulders and following him out into the corridor.

There was a detail of six marines waiting to escort Felix to the hanger bay. Six tall soldiers with rifles, helmets and body armor sent to guard one pale crippled man. It was pathetic. Gaius hated everything about this dark ritual; this ceremony of judicial murder. He trailed behind them as they began their long walk down the hall. The guards were flanking Felix, three on each side, clutching their guns to their chests. Gaius knew that they were supposed to march, but Felix's condition forced them to slow their pace, so they seemed more like a funeral procession.

Gaius's heart was pounding against his ribs. There had been so many nights in his cell when he had imagined himself taking this walk. He had always hoped he would have been brave and dignified, but that wasn't the man he was. Deep down Gaius knew he would have been screaming, weeping and hysterical, and it would have taken all these guards just to drag him along. The man who he wanted to be was only an idle dream. He could only pretend to be the hero in his mind.

_I wash my hands of the phony democratic system…many of the oppressed have__ realised__ the truth and are ready to take action…even take arms..._

Gaius had written the words. He even believed in them but he never would have dared to take that stand. He feared too much for the consequences.

_If you hear the people you will never have to fear the people_.

Felix was walking without fear or words. The guards did not lay a hand on their prisoner. They watched him nervously out of the corner of their eyes, hearing the scrape of his crutch on the floor and the quiet gasps accompanying his every painful step. Felix was not pulling back from this fate, but struggling forwards to meet it. One last difficult task he had to complete. It was his duty. His back was hunched and his remaining leg was shaking at the knee. Felix raised one arm to steady himself; his hand fluttering in the air. Gaius fixed his eyes on that hand. It looked like bird with a broken wing, so close to tumbling out of the sky.

_Frak it_… he thought.

Gaius took four brisk strides forward. He caught hold of Felix's hand. He clasped it in both palms, letting Felix lean against his arm, trying to still the quiet trembling in him. The marines turned their heads. At least one of them cocked their rifle. Gaius gave them a sharp glance, enough to tell them that if helping a crippled man to walk was some form of mutiny then he wasn't prepared to quit in his revolt. Felix held onto his hand, but he didn't turn to look at him. His eyes were still staring ahead, focusing on that final door that lay at the end of the hall.

All was silent when they stepped into the hanger which would serve as the execution chamber. There were two chairs stationed at the end of the launch tube. Tom Zarek already sat bound to one of them, his expression stony and resigned. Gaius winced as he thought of the many nights that he had shared drinks and cigars with this man too; back in their campaign days and the early months of New Caprica. He had no wish to see Tom die either, but he knew that he was brave. If Zarek could grit his teeth and order a whole army of cylon invaders to leave their settlement, then he could face this alone. Gaius needed to concentrate on Felix now.

The marines filed out and formed a line. The firing squad was comprised of former mutineers. This was how the Admiral expected them to swear their oaths again; a new allegiance signed with the blood of his enemies. Adama and Tigh stood a little way behind the shooters, wearing dual expressions of unforgiving disappointment. For seven years they had been Felix's superiors and he their faithful servant. Gaius had witnessed their daily routines. He knew how these two steely old men had put him to work, used him for his brains and his efficiency, lost their tempers at him, bullied and repressed him, forgotten to appreciate his efforts, never listened to him when he tried to advise against their judgments…until their Mr Gaeta had finally snapped, like a lever that they pushed down on too hard one day.

In a final act of nobility, Felix smiled at them all. He tipped his head at the marines, his comrades in mutiny, as if he wished to commend them on their professionalism. The faces surrounding him were cold and stern. None were prepared to return his oath of truce, but Gaius knew they needed this from Felix. They needed him to accept his defeat so that the Old Man could take back his ship under a banner of righteousness. That was what Adama had bought from his officer with the tray of coffee and cigars and even the soothing ambrosia he had slipped into his drink. Something to put out the fire in Felix so there would be no more rebellious speeches, nor accusations of failed leadership on his way to the firing squad.

Gaius was certain that Felix hadn't forgotten or relinquished his ideals, but he was humble, he was sporting and more than anything he was tired. With his smile he promised them that his spirit and his memory wouldn't haunt them in the days that followed. Felix had no interest in lingering here. The mission had been cruel to him. He was done with it. His bitterness was falling away from him like rags. He was becoming something beautiful, his smile bringing him a step closer to the angels.

With the shooters assembled and waiting, Felix began to shuffle towards the airlock. Gaius had been prepared to walk beside him, to help him all the way to the appointed spot. But Felix turned his head, bringing his mouth close to his ear.

"Let go, Gaius…" he whispered.

Gaius sighed and nodded reluctantly, allowing his fingers slipped from his grasp. He never would have believed it would end this way. Once they had fought in a prison cell; branding each other traitors and trying to drag each other down. Now Gaius wished he could hold him back while Felix was refusing to take him any further.

When Felix stepped into the launch tube, Gaius felt the air in the room changing. The mob stood in silence before the airlock. They watched Felix trying to navigate the difficult terrain with his crutch. They watched the space where his leg had once been. The military had already taken a piece of this man. They all knew it had been friendly fire, though nobody had ever answered for it or received punishment. It was easier to ask Felix to accept the punishments for their failures. He could carry the burden to his death and extinguish it with his acceptance. Gaius knew they felt it. They watched as Felix took his last walk. They held their breath for him; they counted his steps and they willed him not to fall. If he fell then every man in this room might break.

Felix reached the chair. He clung to its frame, catching his breath. He sank down into its seat.

For a brief moment he was a hero to them all.

Just as suddenly the spell was broken. Adama gave a nod and two of his marines made their way down the track of the launch tube. One of them took away Felix's crutch. The other pulled his hands behind him, securing them to the chair. A blindfold was offered and declined. Gaius struggled to calm his breaths as he realised how quickly this was going to be over. Having prepared the victims, the two guards returned to their position at the end of the line.

Gaius could still see Felix's face in the light. He was still smiling; unafraid. When it came to friendly fire he was a veteran. Zarek glanced across the space between them, so Felix turned and shared his smile with him too; one last act of kindness and solidarity; one last chance for them to smile. Then they both turned back to the guns.

Adama's voice punched at the air.

"_Ready_…"

Gaius made sure he was standing in the light. He made sure Felix could see him. He wanted to weep but forced himself to be brave and dignified, a mirror reflection of the man before him. Felix had always been a mirror to him.

"…_Aim_…"

Gaius stood in the gap between the two marines leveling their weapons at his friend's chest. He wanted Felix to look at him and not their guns. He wanted the last thing that Felix saw in this world to be the face of a friend.

"…_Fire!_"

Gaius watched through the shots and the smoke. He watched through the mist of blood that erupted into the air and the ringing silence that followed. He waited till he was certain that Felix didn't see him anymore.

Then Gaius turned away, gasping for breath and staggering towards the back of the chamber. A sob escaped from his mouth and echoed up to the ceiling. He didn't care who heard it. The tears were already forming in his eyes. Gaius glanced to this side and saw that Lee Adama had moved away too. The Admiral's son, who had been the first to let Zarek out of his cage because he thought that he was right. The young man who had boasted in court that the elite were very forgiving of mistakes. Where were his speeches now? Where were those lofty ideals? They were bleeding at the end of a launch tube and Lee could not bear to look.

Gaius straightened and made quickly for the hatch door. He didn't wish to stay here any longer or to see what undignified way they would choose to dispose of the bodies. He couldn't take it anymore. He had only come here for his friend.

Gaius came to an abrupt halt in the corridor. There was a man stood in the hall outside the hanger bay; an officer in duty blues, the same uniform as Felix; a colleague from the CIC perhaps. His head was bowed, his face pale and solemn as he stared down at a photo clasped in his hands. Slowly the officer lifted his head to Gaius. He frowned at first, a hint of animosity creeping into his still expression. Then he saw the tears standing in Gaius's eyes and seemed to soften to him.

"Did he suffer?" the man asked simply.

His voice suggested that he had seen too much suffering already, too much loss. Gaius shook his head, wishing to spare him further pain.

"No," he said. "The marines were merciful in their aim."

Gaius winced, feeling a little sick that he had described what had just happened in that room as merciful. The truth was he didn't know, he couldn't imagine what Felix had suffered. But he knew what this man needed to hear. Before either of them could speak again, Tigh stepped out into the hall. The Colonel did not speak, but as he passed them by he reached out to press the officer's shoulder in a quiet gesture of condolence.

Gaius blinked. He suddenly realised who this man had been to Felix.

"You…you were a friend of Mr Gaeta?" he asked.

The officer met his eyes and nodded. They both knew what was meant by the term _friend_.

Gaius swallowed. "I'm afraid I don't know your name."

"Lieutenant Hoshi," the man answered.

"Right," he nodded. "I'm…"

"I know who you are," he cut in.

Gaius shifted his feet nervously. They both knew what was meant by that too. But truly, Gaius didn't wish for any hostility between them. Not now. He was relieved to learn that Felix had loved others; that he hadn't been the only one. Just looking at this man he could imagine that Hoshi was solid, loyal, dependable…all the things that Gaius had never been for Felix.

"I'm very sorry for your loss," Gaius told him.

Hoshi sighed, his breath feathery and torn. "I…I almost lost him a week ago. I was prepared for it. But not like this. It isn't right that Felix should die this way. I knew him and he was…" His voice trailed into silence.

"I knew him too," Gaius offered. It was all that needed to be said.

"I suppose…there won't even be a funeral now…"

Hoshi's face creased with sadness. Gaius felt that there was nothing quite so cruel as execution when even mourning was outlawed and condemned.

"What are you holding?" Gaius asked him gently. "May I see?"

Hoshi nodded, allowing him to see the picture in his hands. It was a photo of Felix in his uniform, standing to attention. His eyes were bright, his hair was neatly trimmed and there was colour in his cheeks. He looked like a kid on his first day of school who was already determined to come top of every class.

"It's the only picture I have of him," said Hoshi. "The guards took the rest when they emptied his things out of his locker. They said it was…evidence. I don't know if I'm going to get them back now." He sighed. "I wanted to put it up in the remembrance halls, but I…I'm worried someone will tear it down."

"_No_. No, they wouldn't do that," said Gaius, trying to sound surer than he felt. "They knew him too, you see. When they see that picture they'll remember who he was. I think this is how people should remember him."

Hoshi nodded again. "Do you want to come with me?"

Gaius winced. The man was sounding a little desperate. He seemed afraid that he was going to be left alone with his grief and the loss that was already too much.

"Yes, I'll come," said Gaius. "I'd like to come..."

"I think Felix would like it too."

Their eyes met over the mention of his name. They held his memory between them for a moment. Then they lowered their heads and made their slow way through the decks. They walked like crippled men, their bodies weaker and more pained with every step that they took. Hoshi spoke a little to Gaius of how Felix had been in the last month. He learned what he had meant by the words _'I almost lost him a week ago'_. He was told about Dualla's suicide, the morpha, the Raptor and the Eight. He could hardly take it all in. It was too much just to hear and imagine.

"He shouldn't have been working," Gaius muttered.

Hoshi nodded, wincing with shame. "That's what I said. But Felix kept on insisting he was fine. It…it's my fault, I should have realised…"

"No, don't think that," said Gaius. "You were good to him, Lieutenant. You might have been the last person who was ever good to him."

"Actually, I think that was you, Doctor."

Hoshi managed a frail smile, an oath of truce such as Felix would offer to one who was in need of it. Gaius felt blessed by his words. He remembered faintly how he had always wanted to do something good for Felix.

"Thank you, Mr Hoshi...and there _will _be a service. I promise you that. Come down to the storage bay on deck eight, section fourteen, this evening time. There are some things I intend to make known in my next broadcast."

They fell silent as they turned into the hallway. Gaius took a step back, not wishing to intrude on the lieutenant as he paid his last respects. Hoshi passed slowly through the corridor, his eyes scanning the sea of faces that covered its walls. At first it seemed he would place Felix's picture beside his dear friend Dualla, but he drew back. There were too many Colonial officers on that wall. They both knew that Felix didn't fit in with them anymore. Perhaps he never did. Hoshi moved his photo along to the next wall; a wall covered with civilian pictures. Gaius nodded with approval. It felt right to place Felix there. His heart had always belonged to the people.

Hoshi didn't stay too long. He lit a solitary candle on the table below; a memory of the fire he had loved in Felix. Then he stood to attention, looking at the picture one last time before slowly raising his hand in a salute. Hoshi wouldn't allow Felix to be the only soldier of this fleet whose sacrifice was not saluted.

It wasn't until Hoshi had left that Gaius approached the picture himself. As he came closer, he looked up at the wall and his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe it. Of all the places he could have chosen to put that photograph…

...Hoshi had placed Felix's picture right next to Adrian.

"Look at them, Gaius. They were so beautiful, weren't they?"

Gaius turned his head to find his Six standing beside him. Her red dress was covered by a long black coat and shawl. There were tears glittering in her eyes.

"I didn't think you'd care," he remarked.

"Of course, I care Gaius," she said, turning her head and looking at him sharply. "He was one of God's children, just like you. He's played his part in God's plan. We can only hope that his soul is at peace now…"

Gaius frowned. "So this was God's doing, was it? God wanted this man to suffer and be put to death as some part of his divine purpose?"

"God is wise and merciful," she insisted. "He wants to lead you to salvation. But to bring about that miracle, there must be sacrifices along the way."

"Is that what I just witnessed in the hanger deck? A sacrifice of God?" He shook his head. "I wouldn't call it that myself."

"What would you call it, Gaius?" she asked.

Gaius stared at Felix's picture on the wall. He thought of all that had been taken from him. A hopeful young life plundered and ruined by their mission.

"The spoils of war," he murmured.

Gaius swallowed, looking at Felix and Adrian beside him; two men he had loved for their goodness, for their humble goodness, expressed in so many ways throughout their brief lives. Gaius felt like there were no good men left in the world. If only he could become such a man himself. He had made the promise years ago. He had fallen to his knees and he had vowed to devote his life to good before selfishly turning aside. Yet God had saved him. _No_, Felix was the one who had saved him. Because he had believed there was a better man in Gaius. A good man. An honourable man.

Maybe it was time he became that man at last...

His Six took him by the hand and Gaius let her guide him away.

_The End_


End file.
